YOUNG-WOMEN Messages for July, 2000: Re: still a virgin...help

Re: still a virgin...help

From: Jennifer (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Mon, 17 Jul 2000 15:49:22 CDT

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Since I am still a virgin, I can only answer how I feel at this point. My guess is that it is normal to be somewhat fearful of it hurting. However, you mentioned that you and your boyfriend love each other a lot. If that is true then he should be more patient with you and not put pressure on you to do something that maybe you are not ready for. I know of so many women our age and younger who give into the boyfriend without really asking themselves what they want. I guess I can't give any other advice relating to the physical fear. I guess if I were in your situation I would insist that I am going to wait until marriage, and if he decided that wasn't good enough, then I would say so long buddy! (even though I know it wouldn't be easy) If he really loves you he will wait. There are men out there who do! >From: anonymous@obgyn.net (ash)
>Reply-To: anonymous@obgyn.net
>To: Multiple recipients of list YOUNG-WOMEN
><young-women@mail.medispecialty.com>
>Subject: Re: still a virgin...help
>Date: Mon, 17 Jul 2000 15:21:10 -0500
>
>Initially it was my decision to be a virgin till married..my boyfriend
>now shows interest in having more to our relationship, i have decided to
>go ahead but i am not able to have sex,does everyone have the same fears
>the first time?..i just push my BF away the minute he tries and even
>with little pain..i fear the worst pain and suffering when having
>sex...secondly i don't even know how ?
>please help me, my BF now is fed up of me, i don't wanna lose him, we
>both love each other a lot.
>
>At Mon, 17 Jul 2000, Jennifer wrote:
> >
> >first of all I think it is great that you are still a virgin. It is so
> >unfortunate that our society looks down on those who decide to wait. I
>am
> >27 years old and a virgin and am very glad I've waited this long. I am
> >getting married in six months and I look forward to sex in a commited
> >relationship. Though my fiance is also a virgin, I have had to set some
> >boundaries as to how far I wanted to go with him. This is hard,
>especially
> >when one wants to please the person they care for..and like you
>mentioned,
> >the underlying fear that they might leave us. However, the fact that you
> >fear your boyfriend leaving you seems like the wrong reason to want to
>have
> >sex. Though I know it is hard, I encourage you to listen to what you
>want
> >and not let this fear tell you what to do. Also, I would encourage you to
> >share your fears that you mention to your boyfriend if you haven't
> >already...sometimes it amazes me how much REALLY talking with help sort
> >things out. I have also found it very helpful to have some friends that
> >share the same convictions as I do. I hope this helps in some way, take
> >care.
> >J.M.
>

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