WOMENS-HEALTH Messages for November, 1999: Re: Vaginal Toneness Gone!

Re: Vaginal Toneness Gone!

From: Harvey S. Marchbein, M.D. (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Mon, 29 Nov 1999 21:19:30 -0600 (CST)

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In reply to: Stacey: "Vaginal Toneness Gone!"

At Mon, 29 Nov 1999, Stacey wrote: >
>Hi, I'm not certain if I've used the correct terminology because I don't
>have a clue what's going on with me. I've spoken with my GYN nurse
>practioner and is scheduled to meet with my GYN doctor. Here Goes!
>My husband and I have been together for 13 years but separated for 1 1/2
>years due to his incarceration. Wer were very sexually active during
>the the 13 year period. We've had 3 children delivered by cecerian
>birth. During our separation we have been celibate and upon his release
>we were so looking forward to having sex again. However, what we
>experienced, neither of us could have expected. What was once so
>enjoyable has turned out to be a major problem in our relationship. When
>his penis enters my vagina, it's as though he is lost. I mean really
>lost! I tried not to make a big issue of it the first time we were
>together, however, very little has changed. I spoke with the nurse
>practioner and she could only speculate some possibilities. She
>indicated my being 34 years old and gaining some weight(I was 130 and
>probably 145 now) that perhaps I have lost some muscle tone in the
>vaginal area. She recommended I begin the kegle exercises and hopefully
>within 5-6 months I would notice a difference. However, my husband is
>insistent that I have been unfaithful and that is why we are
>experiencing this problem. Another doctor told me, "it's like any other
>muscle, if you don't use it, the muscle tone will be lost". He, too,
>suggested the kegle exercise and continue having sex and things would
>come back to normal. Dealing with pressure from my husband, I persisted
>with the nurse practioner asking if there could be any other reason this
>could be happening and today she discussed the possibility of my husband
>not having as hard an erection as he did before the separation. As my
>nurse practioner pointed out,his not having as hard an errection may not
>completely fill my vagina as much as he used to and this could also be a
>factor. When I presented this to him, he became very adamant that he
>was in no way the blame here. Not to mention, I shared with her the
>fact that we both have been maturbating during his incarceration as well
>as since his release and according to her that would become a factor in
>at least his erection size. She pointed out we should seek out
>additional information from self-help books and try to learn as much as
>we could about our situation. She advised us to meet with the doctor
>and have an exam to determine the tone or lack of tone of my vagina,
>whether kegle exercise would be effective or whether surgery would be
>recommended. She also recommends counseling. What are the possibile
>causes for my situation? He enters me, he maintains a brief erection and
>then I don't feel him very much at all and then it's over. The only
>orgasms I experience with him are during foreplay (direct clitoris
>contact). We both want more from our sexlife. Do you know of any
>additional causes or cures?

This is such a complex and emotionally charged problem that it needs to be dealt with on a one-to-one basis with your doctor. I personally believe neither of you are at "fault".

--
Harvey S. Marchbein, M.D. FACOG, FACS
Great Neck, New York

**Note:  Opinions expressed here are for educational purposes only
and, as such, do not constitute a physician-patient relationship.
This information is not intended to supplant the need for you to
consult with your physician prior to choosing therapeutic options
and/or interventions.

**Private emails cannot be entertained due to time constraints,
consequently no private emails will receive a response.

**Thank you for your understanding ;-)

Next message: Harvey S. Marchbein, M.D.: "Re: Question for Dr. Post hyst cycles?"
Previous message: Christine: "Re: FIBROIDS-Dr. M"
In reply to: Stacey: "Vaginal Toneness Gone!"

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