WOMENS-HEALTH Messages for August, 1999: Re: MARK:: Acute/complete loss of libido 10 years ago--never revived.

Re: MARK:: Acute/complete loss of libido 10 years ago--never revived.

From: Susan (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Mon, 30 Aug 1999 08:52:55 -0500 (CDT)

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In reply to: Mark: "Re: MARK:: Acute/complete loss of libido 10 years ago--never revived."

A_______________________ >Yes it does, and we've covered all of these bases. She doesn't have *many* female friends, but she does have a lot of family here. (We moved here from Texas about five years ago to address that issue.)
A_______________________

&& I think one of my questions was cut off from the other post, but what kind of relation do your wife's parents have? Are they outgoing? Openly affectionate? I sometimes think we revert to what we think parents should be like when we have kids of our own.

And does your wife work? Did she work prior to having the kids? A "job" or a potential career? She might need something to give herself "worth" other than being a mother. I am not saying by any means that staying home w/kids isn't a heck of a tough job, but just that she might need some identity other than "wife" and "mother"...make sense? ______

>
>Sex is rather plain. Nothing exotic, and no foreplay. It appears to be
>just to relieve "any physical stress I may have accumulated."

&& How was communication b/w you two prior to having the children? Not just the physical side, but the actual give and take of conversation and debates? Did you have much in common? Not trying to pry, just trying to get a grasp on this situation. I know I dated a few people in the past and some were more "cerebral" than others :).

>In the evenings. She hides in the bedroom with a book. I'll do the dinner thing with the kids. The books are where she finds her "escape."
>And, quite often, she doesn't appear to welcome interruption--even if it's a desire on my part for conversation.

&& She might actually need something a bit more stimulating for her own time. Any interests you can think of that she has that are just her own? What did she do prior to having kids for fun, on her own?

>She's kept a fair amount of the tummy size she gained from the second pregnancy, but that's not really an issue with me. It appears to be with her, however, because she seems embarrassed about her body. She does her best to hide it from me, even though I've assured her that she is indeed still beautiful and still turns me on. It did little good,
>though.
>
&& Okay, to be fair - have you changed any since you two were first married :)?

>It's like I said earlier: She thinks the relationship is great other than our sexual incompatibility. When I asked her to be absolutely honest with me and point out my faults, she said I didn't have any. She would like to have her libido revived, but we don't have the foggiest
>idea how.

&& You're still doing the counseling, right? Any improvement at all? I don't mean sexually, but at least w/the communication part? One might follow the other if a bridge is established. Maybe your wife feels she's missing her allure - that there isn't that much mystery left??

-- Susan

--
Susan

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