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Re: Coping with pregnancy after miscarriageFrom: Kelly Shanahan, MD (anonymous@obgyn.net)Mon, 29 Jun 1998 21:03:16 -0500 (CDT)
At Sat, 27 Jun 1998, Sue wrote: > >My question is simply this - how do women cope with pregnancy after they >have had a (or even worse, multiple) miscarriage(s)? > Sue I think every women -- every couple really -- copes in her own way. No matter what that way is, I can tell you it ain't easy. Some women, especially those who have miscarried once, just keep telling themselves lightning doesn't hit the same place twice, and go about the second pregnancy without any fears. Some women who have miscarried multi[ple times feel determined that they WILL prevail and have a baby and damn anybody who thinks differently. Most women worry -- all the time. Most women check the toilet paper for blood every time they go to the bathroom. Most women check their breasts constantly, trying to see if they are as big and as tender as they were 10 minutes ago. Most women pray it won't happen again -- and fear that it will. I have had 2 miscarriages and am nowt 16 weeks and 6 days pregnant with what appears to be a normal healthy girl. I have the double edged sword of being an ob-gyn -- I know all too well everything that could go wrong at any given time in a pregnancy, but I have the luxury of access to an ultrasound any time I want to drive to my office. I did an ultrasound at 6 weeks, when I knew I should be able to see a heartbeat -- and another 2 days later when we didn't see that heartbeat the first time; those 2 days were the worst of my life, because I knew that once again the pregnancy hadn't taken. Fortunately, my baby knew better than me, and we saw the heartbeat on the second ultrasound. I did an ultrasound a week until 12 weeks, after my CVS, and have listened to the heartbeat at least every third day ever since then ( I just went 5 whole days without checking hte baby and am very proud of myself!). I rejoiced every time I threw up those first 12 weeks, and immediately went to the office and did an ultrasound the first day I didn't feel queasy. I try to cope by trying to listen to my heart instead of my brain, by trying to have faith. It is not easy and I still need a tremendous amount of reassurance. I try to hope, because hope, I think, is a big part of what makes us human and gives us the power to go on after adversity. I try to picture myself holding my beautiful, healthy newborn, and picture her at each stage of growing up (except the teenage years which are WAY to scary to even contemplate). I derive a tremendous amount of comfort from the women on the forum, like Mary Shoup, who have lost babies but who had the courage to go on, and who now have beautiful gifts to show for that courage. I know my family and friends, and people I have never even met face to face are praying for me, and although I am not religious myself, I am spiritual and I find those thoughts and prayers to be incredibly helpful. By sharing your story here, Sue, I can guarantee you that positive thoughts are being sent your way from every corner of the globe. Do not berate yourself for your fears - they are very human and very valid. Acknowledge them, but remember that human nature is stronger than fear and that there is much more joy than sorrow in life. Hope, and in your heart, believe. Take good care. My thoughts and prayers will be with you, Kelly
-- Kelly Shanahan, MD, FACOG S. Lake Tahoe, CA
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