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Ob/Gyn JokesFrom: AnnMarie (anonymous@obgyn.net)Wed, 13 Aug 1997 11:43:52 +0000
I was walking down the street in Rome, Italy when I saw a women approaching me with her blouse open and one breast hanging out. I said to the women, quietly so not to attract too much attention, "Pardon me madam, but one of your breasts is showing." She looked down, gasped, and shouted, "Oh my God!! I must have left my baby on the bus!!" ---------------------------------------------------------------- Every night after dinner, an old man and an old woman in a nursing ---------------------------------------------------------------- home would meet in the woman's room to watch Wheel of Fortune ---------------------------------------------------------------- together. While they watched, she would always put her hand down his pants. This went on for months. All of a sudden, the man stopped showing up at the woman's room. One night after dinner, the woman decided to go looking for him. When she found him, he was sitting in the room of another old woman; and her hand was down his pants. "What's she got that I don't?" asked the heartbroken old lady. "Parkinson's." replied the man. --------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What is the most popular bra size in the nursing home? --------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------- A: 46 Long!! -------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common? -------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------- A: They both have wet noses!! -------------------------------------------------------------- An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. -------------------------------------------------------------- It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor -------------------------------------------------------------- arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath. "Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!!" ------------------------------------------------------------------- When one of my female patients wanted to try estrogen patches for her ------------------------------------------------------------------- hot flashes, I suggested she try a sample package which one of the ------------------------------------------------------------------- drug reps left at my office earlier in the day. I instructed the patient to change the patches twice a week. The patient returned the next day complaining that the patches wouldn't stick. I looked at the box and discovered that I had given her a box of "post-it notes" that advertised the real patches. The patient laughingly told me that the patches were great for messages, but did very little for her hot flashes!! ------------------------------------------------------------------- After having six children, a woman went to her gynecologist for help ------------------------------------------------------------------- with birth control. He recommended a diaphragm and spermicidal jelly. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Soon after, the woman returned, pregnant again. She explained that she was unable to use the jelly--she tried it on toast but didn't think it tasted so good. ------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm an ophthalmologist in Minnesota -- part of a 9 doctor group. Each ------------------------------------------------------------------- time we do cataract surgery on a patient, that patient goes home with ------------------------------------------------------------------- a t-shirt which has our group name on the front and the drawing of an eye on the back. One day last month, I entered an exam room to find an elderly woman on whom one of my partners performed cataract surgery the day before. Sure enough, she was proudly wearing her new t-shirt with the huge eyeball drawing on the back. I introduced myself to her and commented, "I like your t-shirt." She simply replied, "Thank God you guys aren't gynecologists!!" -------------------------------------------------------------------- Last summer, I was playing golf with a friend of mine who is a -------------------------------------------------------------------- physician. We had just finished the first hole, and were walking to -------------------------------------------------------------------- the second tee, when his beeper went off. He read the number off the beeper, and exclaimed, "Damn!! I have to go!!" "That's too bad," I replied. "Is it a medical emergency?" "No. My wife just took her temperature and she thinks she's ovulating," commented my friend as he headed off the golf course. ------------------------------------------------------------------- A young woman complained to her doctor that she had a purple colored ------------------------------------------------------------------- vaginal discharge. The physician could find no reason for it. When he ------------------------------------------------------------------- questioned her further about recent sexual activity, she stated that she'd read in a magazine that she should lubricate with a jelly, and she'd only had grape in the house!! ------------------------------------------------------------------
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