WOMENS-HEALTH Messages for April, 1997: Re: Mother at 63 Let The Debate Begin!

Re: Mother at 63 Let The Debate Begin!

From: Kelly (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Sat, 26 Apr 1997 12:18:39 -0500 (CDT)

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In reply to: Susan: "Re: Mother at 63 Let The Debate Begin!"

At Fri, 25 Apr 1997, Susan wrote: Susan Boyles wrote: The issue of whether or not to have a child, >when to have one,
>and how is very personal. We have so many young women and teens giving
>birth to babies
>that they did not plan and do not want, and yet we are quick to condemn
>a couple who
>have obviously spent considerable time planning for and making the
>decision to become
>parents. If they were in their 30' we could call them wise and
>responsible. Since they
>are in their 60's, and this is so unusual, we call them odd and
>(possibly) irresponsible.
>

I agree wholeheartedly with Susan. I'll repeat what I posted on the medical professionals' forum:

Is a healthy 63 year old a worse prospect for a mother than a 20 year old HIV+ heroin addict prostitute? Who will probably live longer and provide a better life for that child? Why is it okay for old men like Clint Eastwood and Tony Randall to have babies, but not old women? (I HATE double standards) I'm not saying I'm comfortable with 63 year olds (of EITHER sex) having babies, but who are we to judge?

Then someone else posted, "obviously they don't seem to care about the quality of life they will be able to provide this child." But... Who are we to judge the quality of someone else's life? I recently read something in Ann Landers that really got me thinking. I read it the day after I found out I was going to miscarry again and my 41 year old husband was saying he was afraid he would be too old by the time we had a baby. A man wrote about how after his first wife died, he met and married a woman 20 years his junior. They decided not to have children -- after all he had kids and grandkids already. Several years later her "biologic alarm clock" rang and she got pregnant. They decided to have the baby, a daughter. Two years later, when he was 60 and she was 40, they had a son. The father was retired by then. He took the kids to school and to soccer. He wiped their runny noses and played hide and seek. He is now 88 and has a wonderful relationship with his 30 year old daughter and 28 year old son. Did those kids have a poor quality of life? I don't think so. "Too old" is a relative term.

--
Kelly Shanahan, MD
S. Lake Tahoe, CA

Next message: Connie: "Hysterectomy due to cancer"
Previous message: Joel: "Re: We Are Off To ACOG, We Need Everyone's Help!!!!"
In reply to: Susan: "Re: Mother at 63 Let The Debate Begin!"

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