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I hate being female & getting olderFrom: ghost (anonymous@obgyn.net)Thu, 26 Oct 2000 12:30:10 -0500 (CDT)
I don't feel like I'm "alive" any more or that I own my own destiny. And it was only a few short years ago that I found life worth living and my future as something to look forword to, but now it feels as though Nature has tricked me; that the "driving force" behind females is in fact a need for love, and that when I was younger there was a need for love from the opposite sex as well as a sense of self and an ego, but now those are fading and being replaced with...? Well, I guess when a lot of women reach this point they decide to have children in order to love something, but I never, ever wanted to have them. I don't have the personality to be a good parent (I am a loner with impaired social skills due to a hereditary disorder). This is not a request for reassurance to go ahead and have them, BTW, because it isn't the answer I'm looking for. Before I hit this wall I spent most of my days traveling or creating artwork, which I took enormous satisfaction in, and now that part of me has vanished, along with all sense I had of having an identity. What I wish for is to return to that sense of wholeness I used to feel. I need to, because I am my sole income provider and have no other means of support. I'm certain there is some sort of hormonal connection since I only feel like the way I used to, predictably, at the start of my period.
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