WOMENS-HEALTH Messages for May, 2000: Re: Discharge question

Re: Discharge question

From: anonymous@obgyn.net
Thu, 25 May 2000 22:22:55 EDT

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>>>I am a young women does not
>have access to a health care provider at this time, I am at home for
>summer break and my parents do not know that I am sexually active.<<<

Alana...are you honestly say you're willing to risk your life, health, and lives of any children/future mates you may have, all because you're afraid your parents will find out about your adult sexual activity? I know you may not see it that way, but that's what it boils down to.

As far as your parents go...if you must conceal this from them, why do you think going to a doctor will "give it away?" Why not just say to your mother "Hey Ma, I've been having some problems with my period (or itching/irritation problems, etc) and need to see a GYN. Money is tight for me, and my campus doctor isn't helpful - can you give me a hand with this?" Thats all you have to say, really it is. Parents *love* their children to ask them for advice and help - it makes them feel useful, especially after the kids are grown up. You know, all responsible females over 18 need to see a GYN regularly for an exam and pap smear...explain this to her if she starts to pry - just say you're trying to protect your health and future. I'm sure she'll admire it more than anything else and let the issue go at that. She won't be in the office for your appointment, and if you're over 18 she cannot see your medical records without your signature...so I don't see any way she can find out, do you?

I'm not sexually active - I am waiting to have a long-term, one-person commitment when the time comes. For now, I am focusing on resolving my health problems, my work, and working towards my goal of becoming a physician. There are definite advantages to abstinence, but if you're set on doing what you're doing, I'm not going to irritate you by explaining why you shouldn't. I am unable to understand why people put such a large importance on sexual activity, esp when relationships and health may be compromised because of it, and the risks are so high. So....I can't say "I know where you're coming from" in that respect.

On a similar note though, I do understand your hesistancy to share the problem with your parents. Parents do want the best for us even though we may not always realize or appreciate it...and when they discourage us on things like intercourse before marriage/long term commitment, they're doing it for the same reason as when they discouraged drug/alcohol use: they love and care about us, and they don't want us to be hurt or to hurt others unintentionally. In any case, most people do end up doing something his/her parents don't approve of as a teenager/young adult, or become involved in a situation where they don't feel they can turn to them for advice. The most important thing right now is for you to take care of yourself so you don't become more ill.

Your doctor will *not* talk with your parents about this unless you ask her to....so don't give that another thought. Even if you aren't 18, which I doubt...most GYNS will not talk to parents about these types of things without permission. When I was a young teenager, I had been having a lot of trouble with tolerating exams due to an ongoing situation that had occured during my childhood. I couldnt _bear_ the thoughts of anyone, especially my parents, finding out about it. Not only was it humiliating for me, but I still worried that I caused it somehow too, although I know I did not...I'm not sure anymore exactly what it was that I was so afraid would happen, as my family was close and my parents were not punitive or unkind to me in any way....I guess it was just a very difficult thing for me to talk about.

Your situation is different in topic of course, but similar in that you're uncomfortable/afraid to share it with your parents as I was then. Anyhow, I found myself a wonderful OBGYN who I could talk to whenever I needed, and could be honest about my fears of anyone finding out. She'd promised not to divulge anything, so long as I was not in a harmful situation presently. She kept her word...that was several years ago, and when I was looking over my GYN records for another reason last year, I saw she'd kept her promise about not making notations in my records about it. I did end up telling my parents eventually, who felt badly that I hadn't told them before, but were supportive. I look back and wish I had now...you may want to think about doing the same at some point, but if you don't want to, just remember your privacy will be protected.

Another thing...you need to have an HIV test. You can go to community health centers, and have it done for free, and completely confidential. It's just a simple bloodtest. I had one too a while back before I started donating blood, just to be sure. I know the test is a scary thing, but not having the test won't make you not have HIV if you do - it will just delay early treatments, that might prolong life and make you much more comfortable. So you really need to get that done.

Good luck...feel free to email anytime.

Kas

Next message: becky: "Post Hyst hormone question"
Previous message: R. Daniel Braun, MD: "Re: Accuracy of blood pregnancy test"
Maybe in reply to: alana: "Discharge question"
Next in thread: R. Daniel Braun, MD: "Re: Discharge question"

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