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Terrified, Horrified, and generally scared to deathFrom: C. (anonymous@obgyn.net)Tue, 11 Jan 2000 20:20:34 -0600 (CST)
Hoping someone can help. Posted earlier but needing more reassurance. The ugly truth is that I am a nearly 40 year old virgin. I was sexually abused by my mother (yes, mother...sadly, it does happen). The abuse was often disguised as medical care (looking for UTI's, etc.). I have a difficult time with all medical care. With lots of therapy and a very caring FNP I can now manage most things now without "loosing it", but this obgyn stuff is just too scary. Haven't been in three years. Scheduled in 5 weeks and I'm trying hard not to spend the next five weeks in a panic. I have a plan which includes anxiety meds, a trusted friend going with me for support, and a list of "absolute don'ts" for the doctor(things I just cannot handle).....but I am still terrified. I'm working on this in therapy. I'm trying to reassure myself that it will be okay. What will this doc (first time seeing her) think when she realizes she is seeing a nearly 40 year old virgin? Am I really not the only one? Those parts (the one's an obgyn looks at) are so disgusting to me....is it really possible that the doctor is not disgusted? I don't want to have those parts and I sure don't want anyone to see them.... Sorry....I promise you that as crazy as this sounds I am generally a "normal", functional, productive human being. Dealing with medical stuff has been the hardest part of healing from the abuse. I just need alot of reassurance right now. Thanks for listening.
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