PREGNANCY-BIRTH Messages for July, 1999: A clarification

A clarification

From: Noelle

anonymous@obgyn.net

Thu, 8 Jul 1999 20:53:52 -0500 (CDT)

For the record, what I was trying to say but probably didn't make clear in my post was that I think caregivers need to have the skills and judgement to give their patients the needed information to make informed decisions. JoAnn and Rachael, you're both very right - that does NOT always mean ALWAYS laying out every possible (bad) outcome as a possibility in EVERY case. However, when someone is ASKING for all the info they can get, I think it's important for the caregiver to share that and even more important to frame it all in the correct context. We can never be assured of how the other person in a conversation is receiving what we're saying, but it is important to try to help them understand the "big picture" of what we're saying, I think.

I am like you, JoAnn - after Ethan died (also no cause found), I became and still am a major information-seeker. (The picture of you with tons of printed material around the table is a very familiar one!) I'm very sure that I drove my midwife slightly nuts with my need to go over EVERY little thing and every terrible possibility after he died and during my subsequent pregnancy. I'm very grateful that she always respected me enough to not blow me off or imply/say that I didn't need to be asking about such-and-such. She would answer my questions as fully as possible (or help me find answers if she didn't know them), but she always put it all in an appropriate context and discussed overall risks as they pertained to my particular situation. When I freaked about preterm labor with Max (even though I never had a hint of it with him or with Ethan), she respectfully answered my questions but framed the discussion in a way that I understood more realistically that this was not a fear that need take a front-and-center place in my thinking. The fear was there (and I'm always grateful that she's acknowledged those fears, however far out they seemed to her), but her communication skills were (are) good enough to help guide me with the info I was asking (demanding) of her.

I hope this clears things up a bit. I DO think this is an important discussion, even though it's gone a bit farther from Cindy's original post. I'll get off my soapbox now ;-)

Noelle

-- Noelle Haland Mama to Ethan (stillborn 12/2/96), Max (born 10/28/97)... ...and Ellie due 4th of July 1999 (a girl!) <noelleh@earthlink.net>

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