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Re: (CONT'D part 4) NEED URGENT ADVICEFrom: katie (anonymous@obgyn.net)Sun, 30 Mar 2003 19:00:44 -0600 (CST)
Dear Kendra, While it may be very upsetting to your boyfriend if the DNA test shows he is not the father, at least your baby will know who their father is in the future, if they want a relationship. Also, if there is a medical problem in the future, your child needs a bone marrow transplant or something, you absolutely need to know. I was adopted at birth and always knew my biological father was out there- I met him when I was 18 and we have a great relationship today- although my adoptive father is my true "dad". I was 18 when my daughter was born (7years ago), and am married to a great man (pg, due in oct) who is not her biological father but she calls him "daddy." Her birth father has nothing to do with her- he contributes to her college fund and has seen her twice. He is open to whatever she wants to do as far as a relationship when she's older. I did have a DNA test done after she was born, since I had 2 "unofficial" boyfriends at the time. It was a relief for me to get it out of the way so we could move on in life. Don't let this eat you alive- *my opinion* is to get the test done, for your mental health and for the sake of your child, who has a right to know. Worst case scenario is that either of your relationships goes bad (dad wants baby or your boyfriend decides he's had it) but at least you would have an answer and be able to deal with it. As for the UTI- I work in the ER, and we usually run urine pregnancy tests on females, esp. if you were having abdominal pain associated with the UTI. You should ask for a copy of your records to see if you were tested. I wish you best of luck, I posted my email address- We are complete strangers I know, but I would love to hear a happy ending, so please stay in touch. BTW- nothing to be ashamed about, especially talking with obgyn- believe me they have heard it all. We in the ER don't really even raise eyebrows except for the occasional patient, usually with 7 kids by 7 fathers, and even then we don't really have the right to judge anyone.
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