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Re: hubby changed mind about kids, any advice?From: Jane (anonymous@obgyn.net)Thu, 14 Mar 2002 06:24:25 -0600 (CST)
Well the first thing I'd say is, I wouldn't want to have a child with someone who wasn't 100% committed to the idea of having a child. Furthermore, I wouldn't really want to have to talk someone into the idea! I mean, I did bring up the subject with my husband when we decided to have number one - it was my idea, he said "let me think about it," and a few days later he said "yes, it's a great idea, let's do it!" If he'd said "I don't know, I'm not sure..." well, we'd have waited, I guess. That said -- assuming your husband has some wonderful qualities that simply don't "shine through" in your posts :) -- and you otherwise have a good relationship, I guess talking and/or waiting is your only way past this hurdle. I mean, from what you say, he sounds like an immature, selfish person, but I know that you aren't presenting "all the facts" here, so I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. Why not start a conversation about children in general - with an aim towards finding out the answers to these questions: 1. How does he feel about kids? 2. Does he feel that he wants to be a father? 3. When in his life would he like to have kids? 4. How old does he think he wants to be at his kids' high school graduations? If he says he loves kids and wants to be a dad but not yet, but he'd like to within a reasonable time-frame, then it makes sense to wait. If he says he doesn't want them ever, you have a serious decision to make. If he says he wants them but not for so long that you worry about your fertility at that time, then you also have to explain to him about the serious decline in fertility as you age. My grandmother tells me that 9 years after the birth of her first child (my mom) she (my grandma) said to her husband "well, Walter, you said you wanted two kids. I'm 43, it's now or never, do you still want two kids?" and that's how my uncle got here :). Sometimes men don't understand... You probably already tried all of this and if that's true and you are still at an impasse, well, I feel for you but I don't know what to say.
-- Jane, VMD
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