bowel disimpaction after birth

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After the birth of my son 8 weeks ago, I had severe constipation. After a trip to the ER, and a fleet enima and hospital enema, I ended up needing a digital disimpaction. This was a nightmare! I never used a suppository or enema before! This is very embarressing, but ever since then, my rectum has felt loose. I have kegeled my brains out...but I still do not feel the same. I feel like the baby came out that way! Please help--I have nightmares about that disimpaction the RESIDENT that did it literally tore me apart. could she have done any permenent damage? Will I ever feel the same again? I hate the way I feel and at a time when I should enjoy my new baby I find myself crying over this disimpaction. Is it possible to overstretch the rectum muscle so it will never contract back again--It has been 8 weeks already and it still has not contracted back into shape.

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