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Re: I've never been so scared in my life and I don't know what to do :(
From: Michelle (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Fri, 23 May 2003 14:17:17 -0500
Dear Anomaly,
Honey my heart goes out to you. You are the same age as my little sister. My PCOS problems bever started until I was 18. And then it took 9 years for someone to tell me that something wasn't quite right. I wish I could just envelope you in a great big bear hug right now. As I was reading your posting I was crying for the pain that you are going through. If you ever need someone to talk to please e-mail me and I will get back to as soon as possible. My e-mail address is anonymous@obgyn.net I have never been anorexic so I don't have any experience there, but I've been chubby and overweight since I was about 3 or 4. But I didn't think there was anything wrong w/ it since everyone else in my family was overweight except my brother and little sister. When I was born I only weighed 4 1/2 lbs. and was 18 inches long. I hope you can find a dr. that you trust and can help you with what you are going through. You may need to ask the dr. about something for the depression because I would hate to here that you had killed yourself. You sound like a very bright and intelligent girl who has a lot going for her. And please share your feelings with your family. Don't shut them out. I made that mistake when I was first diagnosed and it was a big istake on my part. Love from a fellow Cyster,
Michelle
>From: anonymous@obgyn.net (Anomaly)
>Reply-To: anonymous@obgyn.net
>To: Multiple recipients of list PCOS
>Subject: I've never been so scared in my life and I don't know what to do :(
>Date: Fri, 23 May 2003 11:43:16 -0500
>
>Hi, everyone. I'm 16 and have recently been diagnosed with PCOS and I
>I'm just so scared and upset and can't stop crying and worrying. Just
>to give some background info, I became anorexic about 3 or so years ago,
>and had to be hospitalized twice because I was underweight. I lost my
>period and never got it back, and then several months ago (less than a
>year) I went to an endocrynologist and she put me on birth control pills
>to get my period back, because I was starting to lose hair and became
>very concerned. My doc did blood tests, and it turned out my estrogen
>was very low, and my testosterone was very high, as she suspected. Well,
>I started getting me period after taking the BC pills, but I also
>started gaining a lot of weight rapidly and feeling nauseous, getting
>headaches, feeling weak and tired, stomach problems, etc. My doc took
>me off that birth control, and we tried 2 other different ones, but I
>still had the same problems and didn't want to be on them. I started
>panicking every day because my weight just kept going up and up and up
>and I wasn't even eating more than usual, and I was so scared. With
>anorexia, it was like my weight was the only thing in my life I could
>control, and then all of a sudden it felt like I didn't have control
>over anything. After a long time of feelig horrible, my doc decided to
>take me off the birth control pills for the time being.
>I started to become severely depressed. Mostly about the weight gain,
>but also the other symptoms. I knew something was wrong with me, but
>everyone just thought I was upset and overreacting because of the weight
>gain. My doctors did tons of blood tests on me, trying to figure out
>what could be wrong, but everything came out normal besides the abnormal
>hormone levels. I gained a lot of weight (I don't know what my weight
>is now, because I'm already so depressed and I'm afraid that if I step
>on my scale now after a while of not weighing myself, I'll get so
>freaked out and have a panic attack and kill myself) and it's mostly on
>my stomach/abdominal region, although it's in other places as well.
>People tell me I look better now than I used to, but I just feel SOOO
>FAT and all I want is to be anorexic again, as sad as that sounds. I
>don't eat as much as I used to (I'm vegan, by the way, and have been for
>over 2 years--which means I don't consume any animal
>products/by-products) and I exercise a lot, regularly. No matter what,
>I don't seem to be losing weight. I've been taking glucophage for
>almost 2 weeks now (one 500mg pill a day) but I don't really notice any
>drastic changes. I always feel really hot, more difficulty breathing,
>and weaker than I used to. It's like one minute i'll have energy and be
>kind of jittery, and the next i'll be sooo tired and I just won't want
>to get out of bed. The worst part of it all is that...well, I love food
>more than anything. I've been cooking all the time for the past couple
>years, and I aspire to be a chef. Finding out you have PCOS and have to
>eat super low carb and low sugar and low fat and blablabla when you want
>to be a chef is like the WORST news EVER--especially when I cook a lot
>of carby things. And when you have an eating disorder, and then you get
>this syndrome where everyone else who has it is overweight, it just
>feels so scary and like there's no hope. I don't want to be fat, I
>don't want to have diabetes, I don't want to grow hair in weird places,
>and I don't want to be at high risk for heart disease....and I don't
>want to eat low carb!!! I'm sorry...It just feels like my life is over.
>And I feel so alone because it's so much harder to eat low-carb when
>you're vegan, but I just cannot ever ever ever go back to eating animal
>products (I'm not criticizing anyone here for doing that, I'm just
>saying I personally cannot do that--I don't mean to offend anyone). I
>mean, there are lots of high protein soy products, and there's nuts and
>beans and all, but all of those still have carbs (even if they don't
>have as much carbs as things like bread or pasta, they still do have
>some carbs in them so it's really difficult to eat as low carb as
>everyone seems to need to in order to lose weight). So I don't know
>what to do....My grandma has diabetes and I'm so afraid to get it too.
>And I used to eat SOOO healthy not long ago, but now it's like the only
>things that look appealing are carbs and sweet stuff (which sucks b/c
>those are the exact things I'm NOT supposed to eat! That's so
>frustrating...When you have PCOS, wouldn't you expect your body to crave
>protein more?? It's almost like your body WANTS you to get sicker!)
>Anyway, I lift weights (nothing too hard or heavy, or for too long)
>every other day, and I do crunches everyday, and yoga 3x a week, and I
>walk quickly on my treadmill usually everyday, for at least 90 minutes,
>and a maximum of 2 and a half hours (actually, my record is THREE
>HOURS--which was a day when I felt especially fat). I also got pilates
>videos a couple days ago which I just started doing. It just seems like
>I spend all my time exercising, and nothing happens. I'm going to try
>to start lowering the carbs, but it's just so hard...and I used to eat
>tons of veggies, but now they always just look really unappealing. I
>just feel really...unhopeful now. Like I'm destined to be an obese
>person who has to exercise constantly and watch her diet like a hawk,
>and have all these really unpleasant medical problems. It feels like
>there are so few success stories out there for people with PCOS...and
>It's so frustrating that I have to live with this for the rest of my
>life and I'm only 16. It's all just so unfair :( And how am I going to
>be a chef without being able to taste anything I make to make sure it
>tastes okay? And where can I go to find out how to eat low carb and
>still be vegan?
>Also, does anyone know when its normal to start increasing glucophage
>doses? I'm wondering if maybe I'm on too low a dose?
>Well thanks for listening everyone. I'm sorry to be such a downer, I
>just didn't know where to go or who to talk to, and I've never been so
>depressed in my life. :(
>-RLA
>
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