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I've never been so scared in my life and I don't know what to do :(From: Anomaly (anonymous@obgyn.net)Fri, 23 May 2003 11:40:11 -0500 (CDT)
Hi, everyone. I'm 16 and have recently been diagnosed with PCOS and I I'm just so scared and upset and can't stop crying and worrying. Just to give some background info, I became anorexic about 3 or so years ago, and had to be hospitalized twice because I was underweight. I lost my period and never got it back, and then several months ago (less than a year) I went to an endocrynologist and she put me on birth control pills to get my period back, because I was starting to lose hair and became very concerned. My doc did blood tests, and it turned out my estrogen was very low, and my testosterone was very high, as she suspected. Well, I started getting me period after taking the BC pills, but I also started gaining a lot of weight rapidly and feeling nauseous, getting headaches, feeling weak and tired, stomach problems, etc. My doc took me off that birth control, and we tried 2 other different ones, but I still had the same problems and didn't want to be on them. I started panicking every day because my weight just kept going up and up and up and I wasn't even eating more than usual, and I was so scared. With anorexia, it was like my weight was the only thing in my life I could control, and then all of a sudden it felt like I didn't have control over anything. After a long time of feelig horrible, my doc decided to take me off the birth control pills for the time being. I started to become severely depressed. Mostly about the weight gain, but also the other symptoms. I knew something was wrong with me, but everyone just thought I was upset and overreacting because of the weight gain. My doctors did tons of blood tests on me, trying to figure out what could be wrong, but everything came out normal besides the abnormal hormone levels. I gained a lot of weight (I don't know what my weight is now, because I'm already so depressed and I'm afraid that if I step on my scale now after a while of not weighing myself, I'll get so freaked out and have a panic attack and kill myself) and it's mostly on my stomach/abdominal region, although it's in other places as well. People tell me I look better now than I used to, but I just feel SOOO FAT and all I want is to be anorexic again, as sad as that sounds. I don't eat as much as I used to (I'm vegan, by the way, and have been for over 2 years--which means I don't consume any animal products/by-products) and I exercise a lot, regularly. No matter what, I don't seem to be losing weight. I've been taking glucophage for almost 2 weeks now (one 500mg pill a day) but I don't really notice any drastic changes. I always feel really hot, more difficulty breathing, and weaker than I used to. It's like one minute i'll have energy and be kind of jittery, and the next i'll be sooo tired and I just won't want to get out of bed. The worst part of it all is that...well, I love food more than anything. I've been cooking all the time for the past couple years, and I aspire to be a chef. Finding out you have PCOS and have to eat super low carb and low sugar and low fat and blablabla when you want to be a chef is like the WORST news EVER--especially when I cook a lot of carby things. And when you have an eating disorder, and then you get this syndrome where everyone else who has it is overweight, it just feels so scary and like there's no hope. I don't want to be fat, I don't want to have diabetes, I don't want to grow hair in weird places, and I don't want to be at high risk for heart disease....and I don't want to eat low carb!!! I'm sorry...It just feels like my life is over. And I feel so alone because it's so much harder to eat low-carb when you're vegan, but I just cannot ever ever ever go back to eating animal products (I'm not criticizing anyone here for doing that, I'm just saying I personally cannot do that--I don't mean to offend anyone). I mean, there are lots of high protein soy products, and there's nuts and beans and all, but all of those still have carbs (even if they don't have as much carbs as things like bread or pasta, they still do have some carbs in them so it's really difficult to eat as low carb as everyone seems to need to in order to lose weight). So I don't know what to do....My grandma has diabetes and I'm so afraid to get it too. And I used to eat SOOO healthy not long ago, but now it's like the only things that look appealing are carbs and sweet stuff (which sucks b/c those are the exact things I'm NOT supposed to eat! That's so frustrating...When you have PCOS, wouldn't you expect your body to crave protein more?? It's almost like your body WANTS you to get sicker!) Anyway, I lift weights (nothing too hard or heavy, or for too long) every other day, and I do crunches everyday, and yoga 3x a week, and I walk quickly on my treadmill usually everyday, for at least 90 minutes, and a maximum of 2 and a half hours (actually, my record is THREE HOURS--which was a day when I felt especially fat). I also got pilates videos a couple days ago which I just started doing. It just seems like I spend all my time exercising, and nothing happens. I'm going to try to start lowering the carbs, but it's just so hard...and I used to eat tons of veggies, but now they always just look really unappealing. I just feel really...unhopeful now. Like I'm destined to be an obese person who has to exercise constantly and watch her diet like a hawk, and have all these really unpleasant medical problems. It feels like there are so few success stories out there for people with PCOS...and It's so frustrating that I have to live with this for the rest of my life and I'm only 16. It's all just so unfair :( And how am I going to be a chef without being able to taste anything I make to make sure it tastes okay? And where can I go to find out how to eat low carb and still be vegan? Also, does anyone know when its normal to start increasing glucophage doses? I'm wondering if maybe I'm on too low a dose? Well thanks for listening everyone. I'm sorry to be such a downer, I just didn't know where to go or who to talk to, and I've never been so depressed in my life. :( -RLA
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