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VentingFrom: GoldenEagle (anonymous@obgyn.net)Fri, 28 Mar 2003 00:06:45 -0700
Greetings, The last few weeks have been pretty rough.... I really hate that waiting game that we are all forced to play with the doctors at some point. It seems like everything is done in little spurts and it just compounds the whole issue and adds to the stress. Sometimes I wish they could just do all the testing in one day and get it over with. At least then any surprises that are discovered can be dropped in your lap to deal with all at once... it gets to the point where I don't even want to go back to the doctor because just about the time I start feeling better, something else is added to the mix. For every one thing I get out of the way, it seems they add 2 more. I try not to complain too much because I do realize that part of this is my fault for waiting so many years to find out what is going on with me... on the other hand, if my doctors that I did see earlier had bothered to do any testing and had shown concern, maybe I wouldn't have gotten to this point now. It really sucks when people have to start self-diagnosing just to go in to the doctor with enough knowledge to force them into running tests... it's like as long as they think you're pretty stupid about things, you won't know what they should or should not be doing so it doesn't matter. As soon as you show that you do have some basic knowledge, they jump real fast to help because they don't want to be outdone.... that's how it feels anyway. As of now, it isn't very likely that there is anything really seriously wrong with me.... but I still find myself worrying to the point where I can't sleep, or get very little sleep, my mind just keeps running on and on and I can't shut it off when I need to... I literally feel like I'm having these panic or anxiety attacks sometimes. Other times I'll be just fine and then it's as tho someone flips a switch and I immediately fall into this deep dark depression where all I can do is cry and can't stop... I'm getting so tired emotionally and physically from the strain of worrying, of having my hormones all out of whack, not sleeping well, and never knowing what's going to fall in my lap next. I can't understand how I can be perfectly fine one minute and fall into depression in the next.... do hormones really fluctuate that suddenly? Or is there something else going on? Even more questions to ask my doctor on Monday..... I know that most of you have probably been in this emotional space yourselves... at some point. I guess now I just need some encouraging words from someone that I'm ok, that everything will work itself out, that I'm not going nuts and this is all normal for PCOS... something - anything that will help ease my mind and heart... take care all, and thanks for being here, Dawn
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