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Re: In tears- my m/c is still a sore spot
From: angelaj (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Sat, 16 Nov 2002 16:35:26 -0600 (CST)
Valerie,
I totally understand the anger you are feeling. I can remember the
horrible anger I would feel towards people after finding out they were
pg, even towards strangers!
I never admitted it to anyone until my brother's wife had two
miscarriages. I was unable to get pg and she just couldn't stay pg for
any apparent reason. I think we were able to help each other somewhat
after we could admit that and not be told what horrible people we were
for even thinking that!
We both had 1 daughter and kept trying...I became pg after not having
periods for about 5 months, which is when a dr I saw do to my mysterious
flu suggested I had pcos, before he discovered I was pg. My sister in
law on the other hand, ended up having a miscarriage the day my second
baby was born. After that, it was very difficult for the two of us to
talk, but I understood why. I never judged her but let her know, I was
there for her.
Which is what I want to say to you, it's OK what you are feeling. You
will get through this, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but you will
be OK.
I hope this helps...
At Fri, 15 Nov 2002, Valerie wrote:
>
>I feel so guilty admitting this, but I am crying my eyes out here, and a
>twinge of jealousy is lurking... I got an email from a couple who my
>husband and I are friends with, we had lost touch with them for a few
>months, and I just learned they are expecting a baby boy in April...
>right around the time when I would have been due if I hadn't miscarried.
>G-d, this hurts so much! It's not that I am not happy for them, it's
>just that I am jealous as hell that they barely even had to try. They
>are moving far away, and we may be having a farewell dinner with them,
>and when I heard her due date I just freaked so I can't even imagine
>seeing her and her tummy knowing that I would have been due the same
>time. Sometimes I swear I am OK, then something hits me like a ton of
>bricks and all I want to do is just scream that a part of me has died...
>sometimes new levels of pain and understanding set in and kill me
>slowly, step-by-step, encrouching upon my latent realities that hide
>behind the "I'm fine" banner that I feel obligated to fly... the
>mourning of a soul that no one had the chance to truly know is not
>embraced by our society and I get so sick of the strange looks and the
>comments that people make when they try to fein understanding of things
>with which they have no experience, and then I start to boil over like
>this with frustration and guilt and fear and longing and jealousy and I
>look at myself in this imaginary mirror and think how ugly this all
>appears and I lose any progress toward composure... and the cycle moves
>on like a train that cannot be stopped and things just seem to end up in
>front of me on the tracks and all I can think is MOVE because I feel
>powerless to slow the train fueled by anger at the sense that the world
>has real inequities that victimize the most personal and precious parts
>of me, like the parts and processes which distinguish womanhood...
>EEEEEEEEEEK! I am sorry, I just had to vent very badly, I am sitting at
>work, petrified of what will happen if someone comes to my office or if
>I have to leave my slighly safe cave here...
>
>--
>Valerie
>
--
angela
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