PCOS Messages for September, 2002: Re: Barb C. just some advice.

Re: Barb C. just some advice.

From: Barb (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Sat, 28 Sep 2002 12:17:15 -0500 (CDT)

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OT,

Thanks Cindy,

I am working with a lady that is the victim advocate for cases such as mine. I've been talking to her daily and she also advised me of the same and is very concerned about my safety. Since he was already picked up and the police charged him and removed him from the house...they had given me this woman's number and I have had to meet with her,as they say that the man will try everything to get back control and I have done that before where I let him back in.She is doing everything to make me realize that I have been abused and he deserves to be punished,and to not try to let his lawyer talk me into dropping charges although the police had charged him themselves.,,,but I still could have the power to do so if I wanted to as I did years ago.I know now what it all envolves,as I have been this route before and was not pleasant.

I do understand that having any gentlemen friends will also jeopardize my situation and have also been told to refrain from any contact during this critical time,,,as it not only poses danger to myself,but also to whoever I may be having an honest cup of coffee with. I know he is following me,so I am staying put now in the house with friends visiting and my cousin staying nights.

I am strong in ways,but this is very frightening.I know alligator tears when I see them from him.When I was naive and his lawyer talked me into dropping charges and saying it was just a misunderstanding and that we were going for marriage counselling...then dropped charges.Within one week..he was back to being the same old self.

Thanks for your concern, I had forgotten that he hates this loss of control.Without control he is now threatening suicide.Let him.I won't buy this,but I can sure tell you it leaves one wondering "what if he did".But I know that some men just cannot handle the loss of control and he is one of them.I think this is going to take a toll on him. I cannot take chances of jeopardizing my health nor my friends safety at this time.After all...it is just a new beginning for me and being with someone of the opposite sex just for talk and friendship for now is what I need...he also does have to understand the consequences it can cost both of us. At least I have him there as a friend whenever I feel the need to talk or am scared.

I do think the worst part is not only his loss of control,but if ever he gets clued in to the fact that this special friend of mine is a professional,better looking than he is(very vain man),kind,sincere and that he knows him and what a great person he is....this will really make him go over the edge.

Did you see that abused women suffered from many ill effects,physically and mentally from abuse?I was told this week that it is not unusual for someone as myself to display so much illness when it may all be brought on by constant abuse that is in my mind and is like a post traumatic stress disorder in a way.

Aside from PCOS..my other health concerns as I was always relatively healthy,or so I felt it.....it is strange that one day my legs just buckled and since then I have been ill.PCOS was a coincidental finding so I cannot cast blame on him for that..but possibly..the other problems that I have been having with orthostatic intolerance...BP problems and heart palpitations and elevated adrenaline can be from all this flight or fight that I have been under continuously for years.I was told this by one doctor a while back when they could not understand why I could not digest food and was so thin.They asked then If I was abused or anorexic....when now I know that digestion just doesn't work well when one is under continual stress.The body stops digestion and prepares for flight,thus nothing I ate would benefit me.Aside from that..the assumed that I was short on hydrocloric acid and had to take supplements,,,I supose now some questions I have been asking myself are coming to surface and I am understanding the ramifications of stress and the human body.It has an amazing ability to heal,but it also takes time to heal and I want nothing more than to just be at peace and enjoy a walk or a cup of tea or looking at the sun and saying to myself that I am happy for each day when I awake,which I have not been able to do for many years now.

The body is amazing and it amazes me how it reacts to stressors.

I do feel like a primitive animal ready for fight or flight all the time. Guess that is what my body had to do for survival in what I called a marriage.

End of my book long story and apologize for those wanting advice on PCOS..but if my story helps one of you that is being abused for whatever reason....please get out as soon as you can....the longer you wait...the harder it becomes! Abuse comes in many forms and from reading posts a while back...there are others that I think were also in emotional abusive relationships which can have devestating effects on that person later in life...on self esteeem..relationships and health.

Please all...Understand when somone is mistreating you or calling you names.No-one deserves this! Barb

-- --------

> >I know this doesn't have anything to do with PCOS but feel I need to say >a few things. Barb I worked as a Victim Advocate for the District >Attorney's office for a few years. When that job got to be too much for >me I went to work for a Battered Women's Shelter. I worked at the >shelter for over 4 yrs. But due to my health I had to leave my full >time job, but I still volunteer. >I don't mean to scare you but these are a few facts about leaving an >abusive husband. The first 6 mths are the most dangers for the women. >This is when the abuser is most unpredictable. Because for once in the >relationship he has lost "control." He can also be very charming, sweet, >loving. This is called the honeymoon phase. He's trying to charm you >back. >When working with women who live in shelter we HIGHLY recommend not >getting involved with a man. Even if its just a friend. This could be >just the thing to set your husband off. Plus you need time to heal. You >need time for yourself. If you need to talk about this please feel free >to email me anytime. I know Im a stranger to you. But Ive spent yrs >helping women >Having to give up a job I loved and was very good at just adds to list >of reasons I hate PCOS. <looking around> ssssh. don't tell anyone >this. They were right my PCOS symptoms have improved. > >-- >Cindy > >JHCindy4U@aol.com >

--
Sincerely,
Barb C.

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