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Hello everybody...From: Amelie (anonymous@obgyn.net)Fri, 20 Sep 2002 15:29:16 -0500 (CDT)
Hi! I just want to introduce myself to you all. I'm 31, fairly tall, blond, very young looking, relatively curvy, and have PCOS. My waist to hip ratio is abnormal. My triglycerides are through-the-roof on Zocor. I cleverly pull my chin whiskers and clip my "peach fuzz" that I never thought was a big deal "Because my mom has it." I even got pregnant, once, by accident when I took myself off orthocept due to weight gain (amazing amounts, every BC pill I have tried. That time, I went from 160-192, and looked very bloated and fat). I didn't have that baby, I was spotting and cramping anyway, as everything was horrible in that relationship, and I have resigned myself to it. And I am generally a STRONG woman, but that was devastating. I am pro choice (and will always be), but I feel like I didn't have the info to make an informed choice, as I wasn't diagnosed with infertility till now. I also hate BC pills but now have to go on a new one to help me. I read it grows hair back. Hmm! So I have been suffering all my life from terrible horrible periods. In my teens, I got them every other month (maybe) and the cramping was awful. My 20s were slightly worse. By the end, I would bleed every few months for about 12 days, heavily, staining everything in sight. Last year, I bled 65 days straight and heavy on 3 doses of Ovcon 35/day (but hey, my BOOBS looked FANTASTIC on it) and got fed up. I changed Gyno's every few days till I found one I didn't hate. My cramps are horrible, always. Now, after all the diagnostic work I've done on my lower half, I know they are like an endometrial biopsy without any analgesia or anesthetic, if you have ever had one (and have never given birth). All the time, imagine this pain. I tell ya, NO ONE UNDERSTOOD. I have had broken bones that hurt less. Nothing has helped. That's been my life, and I was taught to ignore it, buck up, and take a hot shower and an advil. But it goes further than that, as apparently my estrogen levels are so high, they build up the endometrium and it falls out. No progesterone to inhibit it, I guess. I get lots of surprise midmonth non period related bleeding. Bam, gush, HELLO khaki--er, I mean, MAROON pants... I love it when my friends say things like "Well, if you know this happens to you, why don't you wear a minipad?" As if anything less than Depends Ultra would do. (I also love the screening question "are you saturating a tampon every 15 minutes? to which I respond "Well, that depends if I am using regular, super, or ultra super absorbent, now doesn't it!") Been tested for thyroid, TSH was normal range, no one freaked out. I am way past embarassing moments. I'm up to discussing this with mixed company strangers over dinner in a fancy restaurant as in "Let me pose a question, does anyone else here bleed nonstop from their vagina for months, than nothing for more months, and is the pain so excruciating you lose work? Or am I abnormal? Anyone? Anyone???" I grew up with a mom who always told me my periods were "irregular" because hers were, but she had 2 kids, so she couldn't *POSSIBLY* have had this. Also, she didn't suffer with it very much if she did, because she spent most of her early sexual life on BC pills (tolerated them just fine, I guess), and had a hysterectomy after my brother was born. Me, I went to school and kept thinking I'd meet someone by age 30 to marry and have kids with. Grad degrees happened. Professional success happened. But have I met anyone I want to be with forever? NO. And now the clock is really ticking (screw people who don't know what I mean, that panicky feeling of never having the options!)... And I still have these crazy periods. My doc called me last week and diagnosed me. No one ever noticed my facial hair because it isn't "excessive", plus, it's embarassing, so I never piped up and said "What's with the whiskers, doc?" Also, it's blond. And my hair is thinning from the temples and hairline, not that noticeable unless you are me. Not too bad on the top, I don't think. No one ever asked if I was losing hair. I figured, like most do I guess, that it was age related. I used to get lectures from my primary care doc (but I fired her on Monday) about being "slightly" hypochondriacal (as I complained about tiredness, made her test me for Mono, and had this crazy bruising *BIG*, okay? ABNORMAL, so I thought maybe I was anemic. But no.) Seriously. I had to go to a behavior therapist for awhile, but SHE shooed me out for being normal and "coping well with stress." Now I find out my triglycerides, which NEVER respond to medication, are part of this syndrome! That my anovular "cycles" are due to hormone imbalance that will never go away without medication! That my tiredness and belly tire are due to insulin weirdness! That I could turn into my mom, who is now diagnosed with Diabetes II, has a few whiskers ("Cuz we are HUNGARIAN, you know"), and is obese and balding. I love her, but she never thought anything was wrong with her either, and called me a hypochondriac for years, but now she's a health timebomb of a mess! I'm going to fight this thing. Why was this such a puzzler? Why didn't anyone look at all the things together? Why was it me getting so frustrated I wanted to commit violent acts the only thing that kept me coming back to medical science for answers that (bitter, I'm so bitter), only came last week, after over a decade of asking the questions? The vampires drew my confirmation blood test today, and next week I will hear from my doc as to whether I am to start glucophage. I'm a little terrified. I have RADICALLY changed my life within a week of finding out maybe I could DO something about this. I have never been a big breads/potatoes person, but I do like candy. No more Sour Watermelon candies and black licorice! I have cleared my cupboards of pasta and replaced it with brown rice. I snack on nuts and only eat fruit with cheese or nuts (it's making me crazy, by the way. I am a HUGE fruit eater normally. 5-7 servings a day has gone down to 2.) I weighed in monday at 191.9, 33% body fat. I weighed in today at 188, 32.8% body fat. If I go on glucophage with this diet, I think I will lose the belly. I am following a low carb diet, 15-15-30-15-30, breakfast-snack-lunch-snack-dinner respectively (not calorie counting, but I never ate a lot of fat anyway.) I upped my water intake to double (I already drank a lot due to always being thirsty), stopped taking vitamins for the interim (due to possible interference with blood fat readings), and introduced myself to flank steak. Having been a healthy carb eating vegetarian for much of my adult life, I've only really been eating meats the past 3 years. I learned how to bbq this summer, so I will be making lots of flank steak, london broil, and chicken. I also eat lots of green veggies (mostly due to my bruising problem) tofu and chicken dishes when I eat out (rarely pasta), so I won't be changing too much. Except sandwiches. Diet bread required, you know. I have also discovered radish sprouts, which are fantastic on a veggie sandwich (diet bread bien sur) with a little cream cheese and loads of spinach and cukes. Mmmm! Yay, fighting the insulin. Fighting this stubborn fat that never really bothered me, because I am still active (with a constant tampon, of course). Pissed that not only don't I ovulate, but I may never have the chance to get pregnant because I found out I have this when I was not married or involved with anyone I want to be a parent with, and I'm reaching the age of no return. What am I supposed to do, put an ad in the paper? "Hi, pretty lady with PCOS wants to have children with YOU, smart guy! Warning, she may be cranky on the clomid, and you may end up with triplets, but hey, it'll be worth it because SHE ROCKS!" Ugh. I'd rather be a single parent of an adopted teenager. I am also looking at egg and sperm donors in my plan because I am not with anyone I want to necessarily parent with even though I adore him. Adoption is an option (and actually sounded good back when I thought I was going through menopause early) until I realized egg and sperm donation is COVERED by my health plan, while adoption is out of pocket. And why should I, a very smart funny exciting woman, with a medical condition causing me to not bear children the normal way, have to PAY through my NOSE to adopt a brain damaged baby some other woman did drugs and got pregnant with and had because she forgot she had options? (yes, it pisses me off, that we have to go through tons of adoption counseling and pay tons of money when unreasonably ridiculous and irresponsible people become parents every day for free, or even better, deliver with no prenatal care on our tax dollars poor little babies requiring medical care forever. Becaue they are jerks and don't deserve the normal bodies they were given.) Yes, I'm bitter about this thing already. Mainly because I kept saying "finish grad school, than you can have babies." Well, school was over a long time ago. I got a dog. He has been my baby for 3 years, and I can't even take him into a restaurant with me. I resent that. I am starting a 10 day provera regimen to spark an actual period, and then I am to go on Yasmin (okay, scared of it all, due to weight gain, but if I go on glucophage, it should balance out, right?) The repro endo said glucophage was only used to make PCOS'ers ovulate, but my doc thinks it can make me lose the fat that is screwing up and feeding my crappy endocrine system. All right. I think I'm done complaining and introducing myself. I intend to peruse this message board frequently, so feel free to venture a hello, as I am comforted by lovely people and good energy (of which I usually have lots of, but please give me a break at least this one week, I'll come back in full force positivity, promise.) My first few questions to you, since I have been freaking out about this, is: Should I see where this depression takes me, let it play out? I know the new meds I am now taking will depress me more. I was on antidepressants one time and they did me in. Does this anger/depression lift? Also, I have ALWAYS had an extremely active bladder. I pee maybe 10 times before noon, and no, not because of a small bladder (remember the diagnostics? one of them was ultrasound, where I was told I had an amazingly big bladder, and could I please pee about 2 cups out so they could see my uterus, thanks). Is it PCOS related? Also, I bruise big and easily sometimes, and it doesn't matter if I take aspirin or not. PCOS? Anyone else? Also, is there a point where I should give up with fertility attempts in the future, and just have a hysterectomy to avoid cancer? (I do not make fibroids, the excuse my mom gave me for having a hysterectomy) Is this even a concern for me if my endometrium gets biopsied once a year for cancer? Also, this is extreme, but has anyone tried liposuction to treat this? I have been reading about it regarding managing cholesterol. It's fairly radical, but if nothing else helps, I will shell out the 3K to get this stuff sucked out if it means a normal life and reasonably normal periods. Thoughts? Comments? I have been lurking here all week, crying mostly. But sometimes you have given me a ray of hope, so I am sharing my big dumb story. With much love, and attempts at good thoughts, sent out to the ether,
-- Amelie
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