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Re: Lost Love...Rejection...Feeling ugly...Angry...Sad...Confused...(and so on)LONGGGGGG
From: anonymous (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Fri, 20 Sep 2002 04:51:46 -0500 (CDT)
I am so sorry to hear about your "relationship" troubles, but you are
much better off without this guy, he has issues and they are not to do
with your weight. Even if you slimmed down (...and who should have to
do that?) he would find something else. When I was at University before
I got diagnosed I met a lot of men who used to say "What a pretty girl,
shame about the hips" and I was a normal body weight back then. These
guys are superficial and certainly not worth investing time and
relationship effort into as they are just boring people. I met my
current partner before I got ill (and put on 3 stone) so he has seen me
stick thin and well ermm less than thin! Frankly he has been nothing but
supportive and says the weight doesn't bother him. He brings me the
occasional present like sexy undies or flowers to make me feel special
and that is what love is about, making someone feel special. If you are
going to lose weight do it for yourself and not to get a man, go back to
your family a little wiser and keep busy to keep your mind off him.
At Wed, 18 Sep 2002, anonymous wrote:
>
>Ladies,
>About a month ago I wrote on this forum about how I had found this guy
>who loved me ..thought I was so wonderful and so unique..but he wanted
>me to lose weight! I have worked for the last 2 years to get over 50 lbs
>off..Let me start back to when I met him. I met him on the net over a
>yr ago(hahaha) yes I know..risky etc..but bad and good people are
>everywhere..whether the net or in real life. Well He and I talked for
>over 8 months about anything everything..wrote letters..talked on the
>phone..emailed..instant messages..the works..I sent him pictures...he
>sent me pictures...when i sent full pictures of myself..he told me
>honestly he was disappointed I wasnt smaller..but he loved me so much it
>didnt matter. I flew out for a week to visit him to see if this was
>something to keep pursuing..plus we really wanted to see each other byt
>then. The week was wonderful...we kissed..had dinner..went to the
>movies..etc etc..and he is just like me..dorky..funny..down to
>earth..tall..great smile..sweet..ornery :D Then when I had to leave him
>I got depressed..I wanted to be with him so badly.. I gained 10 lbs
>back using food to comfort me from missing him...I told him about it but
>I also said I was exercising (which I was) and made plans to move out to
>him...he was sooooooooo excited!! So i quit my job..found a place to
>live drove 2000 miles found a new job..got settled in about 20 min away
>from him..(he told me he wanted to marry me in January lalala) . Well I
>hadnt been away from my family before and although I was so happy to be
>with him..the move sorta stressed me etc..the whole change of it all..ya
>know.. and I gained about 5-10 more lbs..at most a grand total of 20
>lbs. Now I will tell you..he told me honestly that when he first saw
>The first time i met him) me he still would have liked me more
>slender..but it wasnt enough to bother him..and he knew I was tall..big
>framed and would never be tiny regardless..I thought ..well ok..I want
>to lose about 30 more anyhow..so no big deal...Little did I know.... I
>could tell there was something different about him about a month after I
>had been there...he was still loving ..but not as much as I wanted or
>thought he could be.. So I called him on it...and he was honest and
>said my weight did bother him and he wanted me to lose it..i gave him an
>ultimatum.. "you have to choose right now" I said..."either you love me
>and accept me..or we break it off"...he was very hurt and told me he
>didnt want a fat wife (and I am NOT fat..but a little chunky in
>areas,,,you ladies know about this) ..etc..but he loved me so much that
>because it was me he would deal with it..and I told him I would do what
>I could to get the rest off..cuz I wanted it off too (yeah like I WANT
>to have extra weight,...duhhh) ! So..i didnt gain anymore...I almost
>broke up with him a little later because I thought it over and
>thought...even if i did lose weight why would i want someone who says he
>loves me but is not happy with me for me???!!! Sound familiar? but i
>didnt break up..i just loved him too much (and also he knew about the
>hair problems..and although he wasnt ecstatic about it...he was dealing
>with it..i mean we were intimate etc) :P Anyway...about 3 weeks later I
>statred exercising again...was eating better...getting into a
>routine..feeling good about being able to lose weight before the
>wedding....sunday i saw him ..spent the day with him,,..kissed
>him..fooled around etc...and monday night..i get a call from him at my
>place... "this isnt a pleasure call...."///I am like "huh"??? "I am
>calling to break up with you"...yes ladies...i was
>dying..devestated..this was just less than 2 weeks ago..i pleaded and
>cried and paced...and went out of my mind...he said it was because the
>weight would always be an issue between us..even if i lost it it would
>always be there cuz i could gain it back..i told him.."look at all the
>things i have done for you..how much i love you..moved here to be with
>you..." he said those things mattered but not enough..he told me there
>was no one like me he had ever met and yes I was amazing and unique and
>no one had ever dealt and put up with him like i had, but that he just
>couldnt get past the weight issue! So i drove 2000 miles home last
>week...cried screamed..reasoned..called him once...wrote him twice...the
>whole drama..ya know! Now i feel
>rejected..lost..alone..sad..angry..fat..and ugly. His mom even told him
>when she asked why he broke up with me "well if you cant be happy with
>that then you cant be happy with that"...like i didnt even count as a
>person...like it was all right to just toss someone that is good to you
>and for you away cuz she needs to lose 30 or 40 lbs...:( I had never met
>anyone like him..i miss him..im sad..im mad at him...i want to hit
>him..i want him to come to his senses and worst of all ..i still love
>him....so many emotions all mixed. I know things take time..but i feel
>devestated...so unworthy...like i was only good enough to him if i was
>certain weight...like im being punished for needing to lose some...like
>this whole past year was in vain!!!!! All we worked on and worked
>towards..gone! My family says..it has nothing to do with the
>weight...that even though he may not like extra weight..it is just an
>excuse to not get married...that even if he had a great bodied girl he
>would find a reason to not be committed. That made me feel a little bit
>better....but if youre the rejectee you start wondering about those
>things....the "if onlys" ...if only i had lost the weight..if only i
>hadnt gained some back...if only he would have given me more time :( Its
>all very sad...he thought i had good morals..a pretty face...a good
>heart.. funny...quirky..smart..etc..but he lost sight of it all ..all
>over 15-20 lbs! Why?...Why me? I am hurting and he is the one who caused
>it...and now i have to tell myself that I am too good for him...that he
>is the one who is losing out...but I dont feel that way! Please
>ladies...any encouragement would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks :(
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