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Lost Love...Rejection...Feeling ugly...Angry...Sad...Confused...(and so on)LONGGGGGGFrom: anonymous (anonymous@obgyn.net)Wed, 18 Sep 2002 11:01:45 -0500 (CDT)
Ladies, About a month ago I wrote on this forum about how I had found this guy who loved me ..thought I was so wonderful and so unique..but he wanted me to lose weight! I have worked for the last 2 years to get over 50 lbs off..Let me start back to when I met him. I met him on the net over a yr ago(hahaha) yes I know..risky etc..but bad and good people are everywhere..whether the net or in real life. Well He and I talked for over 8 months about anything everything..wrote letters..talked on the phone..emailed..instant messages..the works..I sent him pictures...he sent me pictures...when i sent full pictures of myself..he told me honestly he was disappointed I wasnt smaller..but he loved me so much it didnt matter. I flew out for a week to visit him to see if this was something to keep pursuing..plus we really wanted to see each other byt then. The week was wonderful...we kissed..had dinner..went to the movies..etc etc..and he is just like me..dorky..funny..down to earth..tall..great smile..sweet..ornery :D Then when I had to leave him I got depressed..I wanted to be with him so badly.. I gained 10 lbs back using food to comfort me from missing him...I told him about it but I also said I was exercising (which I was) and made plans to move out to him...he was sooooooooo excited!! So i quit my job..found a place to live drove 2000 miles found a new job..got settled in about 20 min away from him..(he told me he wanted to marry me in January lalala) . Well I hadnt been away from my family before and although I was so happy to be with him..the move sorta stressed me etc..the whole change of it all..ya know.. and I gained about 5-10 more lbs..at most a grand total of 20 lbs. Now I will tell you..he told me honestly that when he first saw The first time i met him) me he still would have liked me more slender..but it wasnt enough to bother him..and he knew I was tall..big framed and would never be tiny regardless..I thought ..well ok..I want to lose about 30 more anyhow..so no big deal...Little did I know.... I could tell there was something different about him about a month after I had been there...he was still loving ..but not as much as I wanted or thought he could be.. So I called him on it...and he was honest and said my weight did bother him and he wanted me to lose it..i gave him an ultimatum.. "you have to choose right now" I said..."either you love me and accept me..or we break it off"...he was very hurt and told me he didnt want a fat wife (and I am NOT fat..but a little chunky in areas,,,you ladies know about this) ..etc..but he loved me so much that because it was me he would deal with it..and I told him I would do what I could to get the rest off..cuz I wanted it off too (yeah like I WANT to have extra weight,...duhhh) ! So..i didnt gain anymore...I almost broke up with him a little later because I thought it over and thought...even if i did lose weight why would i want someone who says he loves me but is not happy with me for me???!!! Sound familiar? but i didnt break up..i just loved him too much (and also he knew about the hair problems..and although he wasnt ecstatic about it...he was dealing with it..i mean we were intimate etc) :P Anyway...about 3 weeks later I statred exercising again...was eating better...getting into a routine..feeling good about being able to lose weight before the wedding....sunday i saw him ..spent the day with him,,..kissed him..fooled around etc...and monday night..i get a call from him at my place... "this isnt a pleasure call...."///I am like "huh"??? "I am calling to break up with you"...yes ladies...i was dying..devestated..this was just less than 2 weeks ago..i pleaded and cried and paced...and went out of my mind...he said it was because the weight would always be an issue between us..even if i lost it it would always be there cuz i could gain it back..i told him.."look at all the things i have done for you..how much i love you..moved here to be with you..." he said those things mattered but not enough..he told me there was no one like me he had ever met and yes I was amazing and unique and no one had ever dealt and put up with him like i had, but that he just couldnt get past the weight issue! So i drove 2000 miles home last week...cried screamed..reasoned..called him once...wrote him twice...the whole drama..ya know! Now i feel rejected..lost..alone..sad..angry..fat..and ugly. His mom even told him when she asked why he broke up with me "well if you cant be happy with that then you cant be happy with that"...like i didnt even count as a person...like it was all right to just toss someone that is good to you and for you away cuz she needs to lose 30 or 40 lbs...:( I had never met anyone like him..i miss him..im sad..im mad at him...i want to hit him..i want him to come to his senses and worst of all ..i still love him....so many emotions all mixed. I know things take time..but i feel devestated...so unworthy...like i was only good enough to him if i was certain weight...like im being punished for needing to lose some...like this whole past year was in vain!!!!! All we worked on and worked towards..gone! My family says..it has nothing to do with the weight...that even though he may not like extra weight..it is just an excuse to not get married...that even if he had a great bodied girl he would find a reason to not be committed. That made me feel a little bit better....but if youre the rejectee you start wondering about those things....the "if onlys" ...if only i had lost the weight..if only i hadnt gained some back...if only he would have given me more time :( Its all very sad...he thought i had good morals..a pretty face...a good heart.. funny...quirky..smart..etc..but he lost sight of it all ..all over 15-20 lbs! Why?...Why me? I am hurting and he is the one who caused it...and now i have to tell myself that I am too good for him...that he is the one who is losing out...but I dont feel that way! Please ladies...any encouragement would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks :(
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