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Re: Miscarraige, 'insufficiency', stupid people, etc- another Valerie rant (sorry, long)

From: Valerie (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Fri, 30 Aug 2002 15:15:11 -0500 (CDT)


Thank you all... I am sorry to continue my rant, but I have to say THE SAGA CONTINUES! So I walk into work this morning and I feel HOT and sweaty... a co-worker says "what's with the spots on your face, I run to the mirror and see dozens upon dozens of blood red spots around my eyes and I begin to freak. I called my doctor, she said to come in, and I was fearing measles... it turns out I have petickyi(sp?) essentially I lost too much blood and/or platelets(sp?) during my miscarraige and have been working pretty hard to feel consistently busy, and so my body is bleeding out a bit, and my doctor said to go home and rest for the weekend so my body will make more platelets... I hate being home by myself now, I feel like there is nothing to do but sulk... I hate the fact that there is this never-ending notion that I am ALL ALONE, even though 2 weeks ago I wasn't alone even when I was walking around "by myself," I can't help but torture myself with the TV "Baby Story" on TLC, "Maternity Ward" & "Labor & Delivery" on Discovery... I hate this, why can't it just end!?!?!? When the hell will it just end?!?!?! The baby is gone, I am all alone, and every time I puke or learn more about what has gone wrong, or "participate" in pregnancy/miscarraige related health situations it feels like a slap in my face. Damn it all to hell, I am ANGRY and I feel like screaming, I spilled while cooking dinner last night and proceeded to fall to the floor and cry about spilling "EVERYTHING..." my husband was nearly speechless and what I want to know is WHEN THE HELL WILL IT ALL END... I don't remember my last miscarraige being this bad...

Joy, I like your crystal ball comment... I have envisioned saying that a few dozen times...

Barb, Your husbands family sucks, at least you won't miss them too much if you do decide to leave... (and maybe you can make a grand exit by telling that bitch off on behalf of all of us! :)

Everyone- THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT... I forget who said it, but it is too true- one rant just doesn't quite cut it!

--
Valerie

At Fri, 30 Aug 2002, Barb wrote: > >Dear Valerie, > >Reading through your post with great sympathy and so sorry for your >loss. > >I've been there-nine times.Nine miscarriages ,being told that it would >happen too. > >It was devestating...each one was worse...the last one took the toll on >me especially being in the fourth month. > >It ripped me apart inside and I too ,hated women with their babies and >that is just a normal response. >After my last miscarriage and my husbands family knowing how difficult >it was for me to talk about it and my frankness about how upset I was >that all in his family could get pregnant anytime they wanted..some >weren't even wanted..probably accidents,,,as all have at least >five+kids.Portugues family...they have kids galore and it bothered me so >much. > >Well..two weeks after my miscarriage we were at a wedding and my sister >in laww who is a real witch..comes up to me all happpy and tells me that >she is pregnant and maybe that my loss was her gain.She said god took my >baby and gave it to her. >Can you imagine my RAGE over this.She already had four kids at the >time...my thoughts were...why does she need another one. >This is a normal response to any loss and it will pass eventually. > >I haven't the words to express my sorrow over my losses and cannot find >the right words to say to you. >All I do know is it is good that you have gotten this off of your chest >and venting is good. > >Know we are all here for you. > >Barb >> >>I am so sorry, Valerie...I wish I had words to say. I am glad you can >>come here in vent. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here is >>one that gets said to me all the time: "Don't worry it will happen." How >>in ^*&^ do they know???? Do they have a crystal ball? I identify. >>Joy >> >><snipped for space> >>> >>-- >>Joy 29 >>History of Endo and Infertility >>Maybe PCOS >>1 child 10-25-00 >>TTC # 2 one year and counting.... >> >-- >Sincerely, >Barb C. >




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