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AHHHH! to BCP or not to BCP, to Spiro or not to Spiro, to Gluc or not to Gluc, to struggle or to give up- these are my questionsFrom: Valerie (anonymous@obgyn.net)Wed, 22 May 2002 00:51:53 -0500 (CDT)
AHHHHHHHHH! I can't take it anymore!!!! 12 years post diagnosis and I am still going nowhere fast and I am angry and I am crying and I am depressed and I am beyond explainable! Someone help me please! I AM SO FED UP I COULD SCREAM... I HAVE NO ONE WHO REALLY UNDERSTANDS WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME... I AM SO DAMN TIRED OF ALL OF THIS... I WISH I COULD TRADE MY BODY IN UNDER THE LEMON LAW LIKE A CAR THAT GOES BAD PREMATURELY DUE TO MANUFACTURERS ERROR!!!!! OK, I was diagnosed 12 yrs ago and had no real "treatment" until mid March. Endo Rx'd Gluc, 1000mg per day... I struggled to get there... not there yet... I was at 375 with breakfast and 500 with dinner... lately my health seems to be in the toilet (more so than just the Gluc side effects) I started getting kidney pains 3 weeks ago and they gave me antibiotics for a massive kidney infection... I still test positive for infection, but at least the kidney pain is down to a dull roar that I can suffer through. I spotted for the first time in ages at about the same time- got excited, thought it was a period- NOPE! Braved the OB-GYN for the first time in a long time and he tried to talk me into BCP- I did BCP's for 7 yrs and stopped 3 yrs ago because they are awful... he Rx'd Provera because I refused to even consider BCP's (been so sick, haven't been brave enough to start the Provera yet) Went to the Endo for a follow-up, with 875 Gluc a day I have had little change in my insulin/glucose, my testosterone dropped a bit while my free testosterone almost doubled!!! (Which accounts for the new bald spot the size of half a dime and the fact that my lasered face now bears a dozen or so black hairs- the laser tech did tell me to keep my testosterone under control if I wanted permanent results... easier said than done ay!) My endo says she feels it is in my best interest to begin taking Yasmin BCP for a while to get my androgens back in line... if not Yasmin, then Spiro with condoms as my birth control method. Furthermore, she said my side effects of Gluc were really abnormally bad and that it is my decision how long I want to battle with Gluc, she said for as much as I am suffering I can respectably give up at any time and since I would be using some method of birth control then I could take something other than Gluc though I will need to stop when I get the nerve up to TTC again. I AM SO ANGRY WITH MY BODY RIGHT NOW! My husband and I have been TTC for 3 yrs and now I am not even serious about it anymore... my new approach is that I will get brave one day and do the whole 9 yards with the fertility drugs, but frankly I feel I can't now... my body is in awful shape... I get excrutiating daily headaches, I have had to drop my Gluc down to fluxuating between 375 and 750 per day because my stomach is in awful shape, my anus can bear little more of this, I am going bald fast, I have no real great friends around and DH is supportive but its just not enough to bear the pressure that is welling up inside me... a couple of months ago newborn babies made me sick with envy- now I get sick with envy if someone isn't pill popping all the day away... is it possible to be addicted to Immodium Advanced (the anti-gas kind?) because its the only thing that stops the cramping... I am petrified to give up the Gluc completely but I am petrified to stay on it... I have no choice but to lower my androgen level with something and the question is WHAT??? What won't make my system more screwy... I am so fatigued that I put in my work week scarcely able to concentrate even 75% of the time, I come home and veg out every evening and sleep my weekends away. I don't feel I have the brains for these decisions anymore! Yasmin is a BCP- does it truly have an anti-androgen component or am I just pumping a stupid BCP with all kinds of chemicals into my personal chemical disaster of a body to further screw me??? Yasmin or Spiro...or Saw Palmetto or??? Gluc or Gluc+Actos or Gluc+something or Actos or??? I am sorry for the length of this, but I am at my wits end and I swear I am nearing nervous breakdown... I can't help but wonder WHY IS THIS ALL HAPPENING TO ME?!?!?!?!?! I am 22!!! I swear my quality of life is running in the negative numbers right now... and I almost wonder is I am imaging that it seems I felt alot better before I did any of this!!! I have like NO APPETITE until 4pm and cannot even force it or I puke... I puke pure bile like its a sport lately... I am crying and I cannot take anymore!!!
-- ValerieC
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