Re: Anyone have to talk a partner into TTC? -- FOR JODI
From: tera (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Fri, 10 May 2002 15:35:35 -0500 (CDT)
Hi Jodi!
Our computer got a virus and we lost everything. We are now up and
running again. On the day our computer crashed I noticed there was an
e-mail reply from you. Please resend it and let me know how you are!
Because we lost everything I no longer have your e-mail address since it
was saved in my address book that is now erased. Hope all is well! God
bless, your friend, Tera
At Mon, 6 May 2002, Donna wrote:
>
>Wow! I just went through this with my husband. I am 25 and have PCOS. I
>went off the pill a year ago and am now taking fertility drugs. It
>was/is a really tough decision. My husband really didn't get the
>urgency and the fear. I asked him if he would choose now or never- he
>choose never, I choose now. It took about six months before we both
>agreed to start the drugs. It was a horrible emotional time. What
>changed my husband from never to now was when I gave into him. I told
>him honestly that I was afraid of having kids but that I was more afraid
>of not having them and knowing I missed my change. I told him of my
>fear of resenting him. Then in all honestly I agreed to forgo them, I
>told him the truth-- which is that he is my number one priority and that
>no matter how much I want kids, I want him to be happy and am wiling to
>do as he wishes. I told him that I was willing to live without if he
>was willing to deal with me living without, that it was going to be
>rough at times (like when his three sisters have kids) but that I
>respect his wishes. He came back a week later and said go for it. He
>has been behind me ever since and says that he was motivated by fear (he
>doesn't want our lives to change or risk my heath). He was afraid to
>say he wanted kids, because even with the drugs I am still not pregnant
>(I am in month 2 of the drugs now) and he didn't want to make me feel
>bad if it turns out I can't.
>
>Every husband is different, but a little time for his comfortablity is
>worth it (as much as you don't want to resent him I'm sure you don't
>want him to resent you). Ask him to walk in your shoes. Also, I would
>recomend going in for hormone testing at your ob/gyn...find out what it
>would take to get pregnant now. Find out for sure what you are dealing
>with and make an informed decision off of that. Also, find out how fast
>moving your Dr. is, lots of Dr. will have you try stuff that isn't
>working for months to prove it isn't working. Get a time frame, ask if
>this doesn't work, what next?
>
>At Fri, 3 May 2002, anonymous wrote:
>>
>>I'm wondering if any of you here have had to point out to your men that
>>"waiting until we're ready" isn't necassarily the best approach when you
>>already know you have fertility issues... I feel as if if we "wait
>>until we're ready" we will miss our chance altogether, and I will spend
>>the rest of my life resenting my husband. I would be perfectly content
>>to wait if I was joe-average-fertile woman, but having PCOS... I'm
>>afriad that if we wait until I'm, say, 30 (I'll be 26), there just won't
>>be enough time.
>>
>>Anyone else go through this?
>
>--
>Good luck,
>Donna
>
--
Tera
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