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Re: Supportive husband

From: Sally (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Thu, 24 Jan 2002 00:23:06 -0600 (CST)

Dear supportive, this is a difficult time for your and your wife. It is great that you are caring and supportive. Something must have come up recently to bring all this to a head (are you having other difficulties) as it was obviously something that your wife has known for a while.

You and your wife a both very young. THis is something you can grow through together..... if you find a way to work together. Councilling may be an option, if things really become difficult.

As she is going through a really tough time (not that you are not) you need to get armed with as much information as possible. One thing, raging homrones do not necessarily make for logical or rational emotions - so please be as patient as you can. Remind yourself of who you married and that same woman will appear again if you give her a chance.

Getting another job may not be an answer - as that will take you away from your wife even more. You need to know that treatment for PCOS need not necessarily be expensive. The most effective treatment (for many women) is Meformin combined with a reasonably low carb diet, and exercise. This is not expensive. Even fertility treatments (if they are drug related - combination of clomid and metformin) are not prohibitively expensive. It is far too early for you to rule out having a family - very likely things will work out fine... and if not there are plenty of kids who need loving parents. But be sure not to emphasise family at this time.

Be firm in your love for your wife and remind her of this. THat will get you through and you will get through it. Perhaps ask your wife to research with you. I remember my initial feelings were very negative about having PCOS (Like I will never have kids, I am a failure as a woman, no-one will ever want to marry me etc), but now that I know a lot more about it, have a supportive and good dr, though no partner yet, it is no longer such an ugly monster, it is just something I live with.... I guess like asthma, or diabetes, or heart disease, or vision problems, or hearing problems, or any number of other health issues that may exist.......

Most important is that you find a supportive and up-to-date Dr. So many drs are in the dark - and so are their patients. Research your Dr and make sure they know - probably the Dr. should be a reproductive endocrinologist. You may have to dr. shop till you find a good one, but it really makes so much difference.

My dr. says she has many patients now who even went through the expense and stress of IVF without realising they had PCOS (thanks to their previous drs not knowing) and then later finding they had PCOS and then being able to conceive just with drug treatment.

Best wishes to you and your wife. 

--
Sally


At Wed, 23 Jan 2002, anonymous wrote:
>
>I'm sorry to be posting anonymously but it is to protect the privacy of
>my wife.  I'm not even sure if I shoud even be posting to this board but
>I somehow feel compelled to seek further advice.
>A little over a wek ago my wife started seeming depressed, alot.  When
>we finally sat down and talked to each other she said something that I
>never thought I'd hear from her.  She told me she wanted a divorce, and
>her reason being that "she didn't want to be married anymore".  After a
>while she came out and gave me the real reason, she has PCOS.  I'd never
>heard of this before.  I know that before we got married she said she
>had fertility problems but I was under the impression that we would be
>able to have children as long as some sort of hormonal treatment was
>applied.  But I never knew how serious it really was.  She said that she
>can't be married anymore knowing that we can never have what a married
>couple wants, children.
>Since then I've been reading as much as possible on PCOS.  It seems that
>there is a chance but it costs quite alot of money.  To me it would be
>worth it.  I'd take on a second job just in order to pay for the
>treatments and hospital visits needed to accomplish this.  I love my
>wife.
>What I need advised on is how should I comfort my wife? I'm scared to
>talk to her about this, she cries every time the subject is brought up
>and I can't bare to see her crying.  I want to let her know that it is
>her that I married and not the idea of having children, though I really
>do want children, but I want her more.  No time sems like the right time
>to talk to her, it's all I can do when we lie in bed at night to not cry
>about this.  We are a young couple, around age 26 each, and we have been
>married for over 2 years, I'm afraid that I'll never see the third year
>come to pass.  I want to be supportive to my wife and give her what she
>needs/wants to make it thru this, but I don't want to lose her.  Does
>anyone have any advice on how I can be more supportive to her without
>making her think of not being able to have children while doing so?
>Thank you.



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