PCOS Messages for January, 2002: Re: Supportive husband

Re: Supportive husband

From: Anne (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Wed, 23 Jan 2002 08:20:18 -0600 (CST)

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Supportive Husband,

Your wife is feeling guilty because she feels (and society encourages the feeling) that she must produce children. You remind her that she can't. She loves you so she feels even worse about her perceived failure.

Combined with that is the fact that her hormones are out of whack...

Treatment of PCOS starts with a good doctor and thorough blood testing (all hormones, thyroid, etc) - get her either to an Endo, a reproductive Endo or an Ob-Gyn. I suggest that you start going to the doctors with her and find out what is going on. She may have a bad doctor, been given the wrong medication (esp. certain birth control pills, etc).

There are women with PCOS who have gotten pregnant more than once. Glucophage, an insulin sensitizer can help a great deal and it is not at all expensive. There are other medications. Diet (low glycemic and/or low carb) and exercise can help as well.

The important thing is that you read, and go to the doctors with her. There are a lot of bad/uninformed doctors, you need to make sure that she gets the right treatment, you need to be her advocate because it sounds like she's not in a place where she can do this for herself. It is very difficult when you are a woman to get good medical treatment --- you have no idea how difficult it can be.

Start reading, here are a few suggestions:

PCOS, the hidden epidemic by Thatcher Screaming to be Heard, by Elizabeth Vliet (about hormones - although her latest book Women Weight and Hormones is an easier read even if weight isn't an issue for your wife, it has much of the same info as the other book but it's about half the size).

Get her exercising and eating well. Let her know you love her just as she is and that you want to help. If she is only 26 she has 14 years to try to conceive and shouldn't give up yet, and personally, I think it's better not to have a child until after 30 when you're really an adult.

Perhaps you should also try to get her into counselling or attending support group meetings -- see http://www.pcosupport.org

Marriage is for better or worse, sickness and health. Going through something like this together will make you both and your marriage stronger.

I wish the best for you both.

Anne

At Wed, 23 Jan 2002, anonymous wrote: >
>I'm sorry to be posting anonymously but it is to protect the privacy of
>my wife. I'm not even sure if I shoud even be posting to this board but
>I somehow feel compelled to seek further advice.
>A little over a wek ago my wife started seeming depressed, alot. When
>we finally sat down and talked to each other she said something that I
>never thought I'd hear from her. She told me she wanted a divorce, and
>her reason being that "she didn't want to be married anymore". After a
>while she came out and gave me the real reason, she has PCOS. I'd never
>heard of this before. I know that before we got married she said she
>had fertility problems but I was under the impression that we would be
>able to have children as long as some sort of hormonal treatment was
>applied. But I never knew how serious it really was. She said that she
>can't be married anymore knowing that we can never have what a married
>couple wants, children.
>Since then I've been reading as much as possible on PCOS. It seems that
>there is a chance but it costs quite alot of money. To me it would be
>worth it. I'd take on a second job just in order to pay for the
>treatments and hospital visits needed to accomplish this. I love my
>wife.
>What I need advised on is how should I comfort my wife? I'm scared to
>talk to her about this, she cries every time the subject is brought up
>and I can't bare to see her crying. I want to let her know that it is
>her that I married and not the idea of having children, though I really
>do want children, but I want her more. No time sems like the right time
>to talk to her, it's all I can do when we lie in bed at night to not cry
>about this. We are a young couple, around age 26 each, and we have been
>married for over 2 years, I'm afraid that I'll never see the third year
>come to pass. I want to be supportive to my wife and give her what she
>needs/wants to make it thru this, but I don't want to lose her. Does
>anyone have any advice on how I can be more supportive to her without
>making her think of not being able to have children while doing so?
>Thank you.

Next message: Allison: "Re: Doctor in Charlotte, NC"
Previous message: Anne: "Re: Circulation problems?"
In reply to: anonymous: "Supportive husband"
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