Re: Why do I never meet any women my age or over with NO kids? Infertility blues
From: Beth (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Mon, 15 Oct 2001 16:19:48 -0500 (CDT)
Hi Alicia,
Ignore other people, that's the best advice I can give you. If you're
ok with how things are, then it's none of their business.
Someone will find something to 'contribute' or pick at no matter what! I
have 1 child. Turns out that isn't enough for people LOL. Let's see,
some of the comments we get...
-"You are doing your son a disservice by not giving him siblings." He
has never wanted siblings, very vocal about that. He knows he's got it
good the way things are LOL.
-"He will be lonely." He doesn't have time to be lonely, he's busy in
extracurricular activities and we travel a lot.
-"When you're older, he will have the burden of taking care of you
alone." He won't need to take care of us. A visit once in a while would
be nice though : ).
-"What if something happens to him?" So if I had more kids, he would
then be expendable???
We've even been called selfish LOL. Oh and because we ONLY have one,
we're not REAL parents. We couldn't possibly understand the trials and
tribulations that REAL parents face : P.
There is nothing wrong with not having kids. Had we not had any kids, I
could have lived with that and been happy. (I wouldn't change things..
you know what I mean) If you're ok with that, that's what counts. If
you're not ok with it, there are many options out there.
Personally I think having friends with kids or siblings with kids is the
perfect solution. You get to see them, have them over, play with them,
buy fun things for them, take them fun places and most importantly...
take them back home after : ). My son is 9 (and knows EVERYTHING :P),
if anyone I know would want to borrow him for the day I would have him
ready to go before he knew what hit him LOL.
At Mon, 15 Oct 2001, ALicia wrote:
>
>I feel like the only woman in my small rural town that has no children.
>Im serious. All the friends I have made here are parents. . I have
>one female acquaintance out of dozen of people with no children and shes
>single. Thats it. I am 33. Are people over 30 without children really
>that rare?
>
>I was at a one of these friends house and we were talking about having
>children and I told them--2 already knew....that I was infertile and had
>time to get used to it. (I stopped menustrating when I was 21 and knew
>something was wrong but wasnt diagnosed until age 32) I said Ive
>accepted it, Im not healthy enough to even raise a child (disabled with
>myriad of health troubles), but I do wonder what I am missing out on?
>
>I think being infertile would be easier if there were some childfree by
>choice people or others in my boat. I do get the feeling of being the
>ONLY ONE. My brother is having his first child, my sister already has
>two. Heck I could barely even afford kids and I am glad that I will
>have the opportunity in life to do other things but one thing in this
>culture that is hard to take is that if you are an infertile woman you
>are somehow less of a woman because of it.
>
>Sometimes people say stuff to me like---well when you lose all your
>weight you can get infertility treatments. Well my doctor told me my
>endocrine problems are so severe weight loss and total control of PCOS
>isnt going to take care of the problem. I remember him being upset and
>asking me How do you think your husband will react to you being
>infertile. I told him--before we were married I had warned him. I also
>religiously am against infertility treatments for myself--(Catholic)
>
>Some days Im relieved to be infertile. God has spared me having to take
>care of children since I am facing health difficulties. My husband also
>accepts it. I know that not all women have that fortune. I and my
>husband faced past financial problems--ok now but I know we see children
>as even a crushing responsiblity having faced such challenges in even
>taking care of ourselves.
>
>Other days it bugs me. I wish I could be some normal--not severely
>obese woman with kids. I see the happiness my friends have with their
>children. I do spend time with kids in volunteer capacities. I taught
>art this summer and do religious ed.
>
>Now that I am 33 and facing the health stuff I am, I have had to totally
>accept that there will be no children in my future. I am forming my
>life around other things especially as my health is regained.
--
Stay safe and feel free to email me anytime,
Beth
Rockport, MA
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