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Why do I never meet any women my age or over with NO kids? Infertility blues

From: ALicia (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Mon, 15 Oct 2001 07:01:24 -0500 (CDT)


I feel like the only woman in my small rural town that has no children. Im serious. All the friends I have made here are parents. . I have one female acquaintance out of dozen of people with no children and shes single. Thats it. I am 33. Are people over 30 without children really that rare?

I was at a one of these friends house and we were talking about having children and I told them--2 already knew....that I was infertile and had time to get used to it. (I stopped menustrating when I was 21 and knew something was wrong but wasnt diagnosed until age 32) I said Ive accepted it, Im not healthy enough to even raise a child (disabled with myriad of health troubles), but I do wonder what I am missing out on?

I think being infertile would be easier if there were some childfree by choice people or others in my boat. I do get the feeling of being the ONLY ONE. My brother is having his first child, my sister already has two. Heck I could barely even afford kids and I am glad that I will have the opportunity in life to do other things but one thing in this culture that is hard to take is that if you are an infertile woman you are somehow less of a woman because of it.

Sometimes people say stuff to me like---well when you lose all your weight you can get infertility treatments. Well my doctor told me my endocrine problems are so severe weight loss and total control of PCOS isnt going to take care of the problem. I remember him being upset and asking me How do you think your husband will react to you being infertile. I told him--before we were married I had warned him. I also religiously am against infertility treatments for myself--(Catholic)

Some days Im relieved to be infertile. God has spared me having to take care of children since I am facing health difficulties. My husband also accepts it. I know that not all women have that fortune. I and my husband faced past financial problems--ok now but I know we see children as even a crushing responsiblity having faced such challenges in even taking care of ourselves.

Other days it bugs me. I wish I could be some normal--not severely obese woman with kids. I see the happiness my friends have with their children. I do spend time with kids in volunteer capacities. I taught art this summer and do religious ed.

Now that I am 33 and facing the health stuff I am, I have had to totally accept that there will be no children in my future. I am forming my life around other things especially as my health is regained.




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