Re: OT to Faye Re: Down Down Down
From: AdoptASAP (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Sun, 10 Jun 2001 06:07:45 -0500 (CDT)
Well thats good that your children understand and I hope they understand
that this type of marriage is not common. Oh, I am sure you dont bad
mouth him. You sound like a wonderful mother and a wife who has had
enough of his BS. Good for you in that aspect.
As to the veniqua...just to confirm that I did not right that. My
husband found it and I asked him to send to me in email so I could show
it to you guys. He knows how much my facial hair bothers me. But alas,
V is too expensive for this chicky poo. Having the money is one thing,
but spending it on this product is a whole other ball game.
At Sun, 10 Jun 2001, faye wrote:
>
>At Sat, 9 Jun 2001, AdoptASAP wrote
>
>>I would have emailed privately but you left no email. I am not trying
>>to be mean or sound aweful but do you want your kids to grow up and live
>>in a relationship like you have with your husband?
>>
>>If you cant be equal in a marriage then what kind of life is that? Kids
>>learn from their parents..they either follow in their footsteps or do
>>the complete opposite. They may be learning from you that this is how
>>marriage is and this is how a wife should be.
>>
>>Again, I am only putting the point of view from your kids instead of the
>>way a wife/hubby may see it. Are cars, house, items important as being
>>a human being? Do you want to live another 23 years like this? You
>>married young and deserve to live the way YOU want to live.
>>
>>I dont take these statements lightly, I have been litterally homeless
>>before, I also have been poor the first 9 years of our lives together.
>>We have been married 9 years, together 11.
>>
>>There are resources out there for you and your husband will have to pay
>>alimony and child support but you can show your kids how life is
>>supposed to be...equal, enjoyed, and to its fullest.
>>
>>I really do wish you the best and am not being judgemental. Just hoping
>>you see another angle to the life you are leading if you havent thought
>>about it already...which I am sure you have.
>>
>>Good luck Faye, I really mean that. Starting over is not easy and
>>living the way you are living is also not easy. There is no right
>>answer here but know I am praying for you and your family.
>>
>>At Sat, 9 Jun 2001, anonymous wrote:
>>>
>>>I'm really sorry anyone has to go through things like you go through and
>>>truely I understand. Hello my name is Faye and I too live with a POOP
>>>head hubby..
>>>sounds like a good name for a support group eh?
>>>When I read your letter I kept asking myself If someone else was married
>>>to my hubby, I am sorry to find someone else goes through this.
>>>This was my soulution to the hubby problem and I hope it helps.. I
>>>married hubby when I was 14 years old, I am now 37 with two children,
>>>PCOS and heart problems, After years of stressing, crying, thinking of
>>>leaving, even thinking of ways to get rid of him (ONLY THINKING) I
>>>decided on a few things. I closed out my personal bank account and had
>>>my disability checks direct deposited into HIS account. I didnt pay any
>>>bills or ask for money, about the third month when we had no electric,
>>>phone or water he finaly ask why? I explained it to him this way..
>>>I felt we no longer had a marriage, we had an emplorer/employee
>>>relationship,
>>>Since neither one of us had chosen to leave the marriage we had to come
>>>to terms of what we did have and this to me was the best soulution.
>>>I keep the house, take care of our children, see to the daily running of
>>>the home, take the kids to where ever they need to be. In return I get
>>>my own bedroom, bathroom, and two days a week OFF ( unless i wanna do
>>>something with kids). When the bill collectors call I say, well Im not
>>>in charge of the bills and he will be home at 6 please call back then.
>>>When they call back I hand him the phone. On shopping day I ask him to
>>>write a check out to the STORE and exactly what he wants that week. The
>>>kids get to nag HIM for the clothes or the chips or whatever. When they
>>>ask me, I dont have any money...
>>>I dont open the mail anymore, I refuse to be the secratary for his clubs
>>>unless I am paid. When I go shopping and I get everything on his list,
>>>I take along sale papers from other stores. Wal-mart will honor any
>>>competetors price. Weekly I keep around 50 bucks which is actually more
>>>than I would have if we did things the old way. If he should want some
>>>companionship I charge by the hour..
>>>I know you guys are saying I should just leave, but I worked just as
>>>hard to have a nice home, cars and great kids, why should I be the one
>>>to up and leave and settle for less, what would I do? Live on goverment
>>>assistance in housing project? That would be like saying the Poop head
>>>won!
>>>This arrangement with my Poop head has been going on for 3 years now, I
>>>am soo much stress free, he is sooo stressed out. I hear him saying
>>>things like all I do is work, work and no one appreciates it. Or the
>>>best one, I dont have anytime to myself anymore. He even ask me if I
>>>thought he had PCOS,I said yes and suggested he see a gynacologist, He
>>>has no clue as to what any of this ment but I like to think he ask his
>>>doctor for a referal.. HA HA well I guess Im a wicked witch, but self
>>>preservation is my goal.
>>>Secretly I hope that someday we can be a (normal) couple again and I do
>>>see him changing in alot of positive ways, we dont argue anymore and I
>>>am less stressed and therfore more easy to live with I suppose but for
>>>now this is how it has to be. I hope this helps Joan.
>>>Faye.
>
>Thank you for your concern, I really dont feel unequal. What I feel is
>relief! My children are older and they understand why I needed to do
>this. Being less stressed has let me live my life and actually have fun
>instead of worrying 24/7. I have more important things to do than
>worry. Like spending time with my children and not yelling or fighting
>with their Dad. Please understand, I would NEVER say a word against him
>to my kids. He is just a difficult person to deal with and they realize
>this.
>As far as leaving and getting support, been there,done that, been poor,
>lived in a 1967 Cadiliac for 3 months. I am not healthy enough to do it
>again. I'm sure you will agree it takes alot of energy finding,
>getting, and keeping gov. assistance. I'm positive if I had private
>ins. instead of a medical card years ago I wouldnt be as sick as I am
>now.
>What I ment by working hard for things, ie House, cars is that I worked
>and put my DH through 8 years of school. Half of everything is already
>mine and that means half of the mortgage is mine and half of the car
>payments. etc. Divorcing and splitting the property would be a
>finacial disaster for all of us.
>*****
>I would like to say your research and report about Vaniqa was
>excellent!! I have been trying to get information for a couple months
>and thank you for sharing it with us.
>I suppose its like every thing in this world, what works for some, isnt
>right for others. :)
>Best wishes
>Faye.
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