Re: insensitive friend question (sort of long and involved!)
From: Chris (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Fri, 1 Jun 2001 13:04:20 +1000
I agree with Jodi!
Emma
>----- Original Message -----
From: jodi <anonymous@obgyn.net>
To: Multiple recipients of list PCOS <anonymous@obgyn.net>
Sent: Friday, June 01, 2001 12:46 AM
Subject: Re: insensitive friend question (sort of long and involved!)
> Ooooh... I have had this happen so many times!!! I know this guy who
> thinks the perfect woman is
> anorexic and hairless. I mean, body-hair-less... It's very eay to set
> up your own bboard at my school
> and a friend of mine set up her own, and for some reason topics of
> weight and leg shaving come up a
> lot... More in a liberated woman sort of way than a PCOS way... And
> this guy would always say things like,
> Fat people just have no self control... and Any woman with facial hair
> shouldn't go out in public... stuff like
> that. I said to him, if fat people have no self control and they are
> fat JUST because they overeat, how do
> you explain people who no diet works for, but give them an insulin
> sensitizing agent, and presto, they lose weight?
> He had no answer.
>
> Whenever I hear people critisizing women for facial hair or whatever, I
> say "You know, she didn't CHOOSE to be
> that way. Women with facial hair have serious underlying medical
> problems, and there's really not much they
> can do to address it from a cosmetic standpoint. A lot of things just
> make it worse."
>
> As for those creams he mentioned... you should have said to him, "And
> do you know how much those cost?
> Maybe she can't afford them. It's not like insurance will poay for
> them, even though they will pay for medications
> to give a man a hard-on!" Or you might say, "You know, it's really
> embarrassing for a woman to have facial
> hair. Maybe she's too embarassed to seek help, and doesn't know that
> anything can be done about it."
>
> I don't know if such things really help any, but that's usually my type
> of response. As for whether or not he was
> hinting at you... ehhhh, i can't say. If someone says something like
> this around me, I will sometimes say, "You know,
> a lot of women have facial hair to deal with. I have a few chin hairs
> that I need to pluck. Some women have more. No
> one choses to be that way, but what can you do? I'm sure you've got some
> flaws of your own." Most people don't even realize I have a facial hair
> problem. I keep up with plucking as best as I can, and the growth is
> mainly UNDER my chin so unless I am looking up, in broad sunlight,
> most people can't tell by looks, only by feel. Hell, even my boyfriend
> said when I brought it up, "I didn't realise you
> had an unusal amount of facial hair for a woman. You can't tell by
> look, just by touchl!"
>
> What a charming boy. :-) Lucky me that I'm his first serious (ie,
> intimate) girlfriend, so he doesn't really have any
> serious hands-on experience with other girls to compare me to... I feel
> like I can get away with having more flaws than avergae!
>
> - Jodi
>
> At Thu, 31 May 2001, Alicia wrote:
> >
> >This is more of a personal situation semi-related to PCOS, but I am
> >looking for opinions on how to handle it.
> >
> >I have a male friend with whom I talk quite a bit. (He used to like me,
> >but I decided we were better as friends.) He does not know about PCOS
> >and I don't think he needs to know. He's just a friend after all. Well,
> >the other day we were sitting and drinking coffee at Starbucks and he
> >brings up this woman he saw with a full beard. He said he always sees
> >her when he's leaving work and she looks at him with a crazy expression.
> >He goes on and on about how there are creams and things to help with
> >that. And that, definitively, women should not have beards. He almost
> >sounded offended by her existence.
> >
> >My response was to smile and say, "Oh, really?"
> >
> >My own paranoia and experience has caused me to examine this
> >conversation in several ways.
> >
> >One, was he telling me this to try and tell ME something, as in, "I
> >notice something on your face, too. So what's up with that?" (It could
> >be spiteful, seing as I turned him down as a romantic interest last
> >year.)
> >
> >Or is he just a misinformed and insensitive man (who is far from a
> >perfect specimen himself) voicing his opinion about women (as some men
> >feel they are entitled to do)?
> >
> >And how should I have handled this? I could have launched in to a story
> >about PCOS, and how it's a common and "legitimate" reason for a woman to
> >have a beard. (But I didn't want him to start staring at my chin and
> >asking me if I have it.)
> >
> >Any opinions? I am slightly annoyed by his comments and next time he
> >says anything like that I want to be prepared. I guess I am offended
> >that HE seemed so offended by this woman's face!
>
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