PCOS Messages for May, 2001: Re: am I fat

Re: am I fat

From: Kallie (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Fri, 18 May 2001 12:33:22 -0500 (CDT)

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That stomach thing was okay when I was 250 and had never been pregnant. Post c-section at 310 it isn't so easy to hide any longer. (I'm 5'3) In fact it sort of hangs down lower and is totally gross. My friends grandmother calls it an "apron." (Not focussed at me, just in general)

You know.. I have always felt pretty good about my looks even though I am very overweight. And because of that I think it showed in my personality. And because of that, for so long I think I burried the way I truly feel about being fat.

I've slowly come to realize over the last few years, particuarly the last year that I really do not feel good about the way I look. It is disgusting and I don't feel particulary sexy or pretty any more.

I saw a talk show this week that featured big and beautiful (SUBJECTIVE) women that were proud to be the size they were (250 - 380 or so) They were walking around in bathing suits and teddybear nighties. I watched and found myself feeling really sorry for them. I know I probably shouldn't have felt that way because on some levels it may be rude. But this girl that weighed more than I do was doing a belly dance.. Now you could tell that she really felt she looked sexy - but it wasn't sexy. And on one level I think "Really, good for her for being able to not care what she looks like and make the best of it" But it reminded me of how I often think I look "from the inside looking out." But as soon as I pass a mirror .. I'm like "who was that?" That is not how I feel - but it is reality.

I don't see many beautiful things about this fat hanging all over the place. And I don't think it is really attractive to flaunt it in things like really short or tight clothes. Mainly because it just makes people look at you and think, "Awww no body loves her enough to tell her she shouldn't leave the house like that.." I may be "Big and beautiful" on some standards - but I am not proud of it.

I am put off by it and really mad that there is no miricle drug for us to take. A pill to help people who were never supposed to be fat to begin with. A piull for people who didn't eat their way to 300 lbs. And I don't mean Met. I mean an honest to God 100 % reverse this metabolic screw up and make these women right pill.

I hope that didn't offend anyone, it isn't my intent to "bash" us. It is just the way I have been feeling - my own epiphany .

--
Kallie

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