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What holds us back... some thoughts (kinda long)From: Michelle (anonymous@obgyn.net)Mon, 16 Apr 2001 22:37:44 -0500 (CDT)
It's been a really long time since I posted - it's nice to see some of the names I recognize, as well as many new names. This forum continues to be a support and a true God-send for many people. I "took a break" from this forum, as well as everything else related to PCOS. Has anyone else just wanted to ignore *this* for just a little while? Don't get me wrong - it's not like I woke up any of these mornings and didn't have to deal with the daily betrayal of my body and all the physical abnormalities that I experiences on a daily basis... it's just that I felt my head was going to explode if I heard one more fact. For the last year I have been trying to see a doctor. Not just any doctor. The best doctor. A doctor that I won't have to try and convince. A doctor who now specializes in PCOS. A doctor who has been published in journals and profiled on telivision. Obstacle after obstacle. I'm not sure what was more motivating - the "fight", knowing that I was going to win and I was going to finally get an appointment... or the desire to get healthy. Looking back, I think it may have been "the fight" because I finally got an appointment, and wouldn't ya know it.. I'm terrified. *sigh* Found out today at 2pm that there was a cancellation for 9am tomorrow and the woman in the office remembered me (I think I've talked to everyone there!) and put my name in right away. Ignorance is bliss. It's like the guy who has headaches and blacks out every once in a while. He finally goes to the doctor and finds out he has terminal leukemia. He's screwed. Before going to the doctor, he had headaches. Now he's dying. Truly, ignorance is bliss. So, that's where I'm at. I have to walk into this man's office and actually speak to him as an intelligent adult, talk about what's wrong and share information with him that I have never shared with another living soul. I will be forced to say words outloud that I have only dared to think to myslef, in the safety of my own mind. I'm convinced that if it weren't for the physical symptoms of this disease, none of us would seek care. We would sink back into ourselves, knowing that there was something wrong but justify it somehow. It's only because we have become someone we no longer recognize and the pain of facing a future as we are is a grim thought. It is enough to push us forward. We cannot be matyrs. There's no glory in being sick and doing nothing about it. There's nothing to heroic about dying a slow death because we were afraid to do something about it. Ladies, the courage isn't in being sick. The courage is in getting well, and demanding the treatment we deserve to live full, happy, satisfying lives. This post has truly been self-healing. Thank you for letting me babble on.
-- Michelle <)))><<
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