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Re: 32 - thinking of going straight to adoption without undergoing fertility treatments
From: cathy (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Wed, 7 Feb 2001 17:02:23 -0600 (CST)
Hi Karen,
When I was 30, my husband and I went through fertility treatments. This
continued for 5 years. My doctor moved to a new city and I began
treatment with a new doctor. This new doctor asked a question that
really hit home with me. "What is your goal? Do you want a biological
child, or do you just want a baby to love?" My husband and I immediately
stepped back and analyzed our feelings. We really just wanted a child
to share our lives with. We adopted a 9 month old baby girl from China
7 months later. She will be 6 years old in 3 weeks, and is not only the
greatest joy in our lives, but also a blessing to everyone who knows
her. When I look back at everything we went through, I wish that we had
skipped the fertility treatments and gone straight to adoption. My
husband and I are really glad now that we are infertile, because it is
the reason we have our beautiful girl. We feel that going through
pregnancy and childbirth would not have added anything to the great love
we feel for her. It only added many days of disappointment and pain.
People we know who have both biological and adopted children tell us
that there is NO DIFERENCE between them. Adopting through China takes
all of the risk out of adoption. There are no chances of parents
changing their mind or adoptions falling through. And the cost is about
the same as a domestic adoption. Whatever your decision, I wish you
well.
Good luck!!
Cathy
At Tue, 6 Feb 2001, Karen wrote:
>
>Hi everyone,
>
>I'm new here. I did some checking through the archives, but didn't see
>much regarding people going straight to adoption without giving
>fertility treatments a try. I'm curious as to what other people think.
>
>I'm 32 and married. I have had the symptoms of PCOS since I was about
>16, and given the name of "PCOS" when I was about 25. I have all of the
>symptoms -- I'm currently in my 9th month without a period. My last
>period started in January, 2000 and I bled heavily until May, 2000.
>After 3 weeks of 3 birth control pills a day to try to get me to stop, I
>underwent a D&C. I still bled for 3 weeks after that -- then nothing to
>date. I have the facial hair, the weight gain especially around my
>middle, skin tags, thick hair on my head but I'm noticing some thinning
>through my temples, etc... Oh, it's just a friggin joy.
>
>Given my irregular periods -- I either try to bleed to death or I go so
>long without a period that I know I'm just endometrial cancer waiting to
>happen, I get so frustrated sometimes. My husband and I met when I was
>29, and were recently married -- and he married me knowing full well
>that having a biological child was a slim chance. He is completely okay
>and accepting of this. We want a family, and quite frankly, having a
>child that looks like us isn't all that important to us. We want kids
>-- plain and simple.
>
>I really don't know if I want to subject our marriage or my body or our
>sanity to the regimen required of fertility treatments - regardless of
>the path. We have discussed recently the possibility of not even going
>through fertility and heading straight to adoption. There is a part of
>me -- a big part of me -- that finds that option liberating and
>exciting. I think my main "fear" lies in the wondering if I'll always
>wonder -- what if. What if we'd tried this or tried that. Fear may be
>too strong a word -- it's a concern, but not so paralyzing that I'm not
>willing to give it a shot -- go straight to adoption and deal with the
>"what if's" later, if at all.
>
>We have some very positive adoption stories in our own lives. We have
>friends -- like my family, actally -- who adopted their daughter 23
>years ago. Some great friends of ours adopted the cutest little boy
>about a year ago after several years of tests and fertility treatments
>and miscarriages. Another friend of ours is in the process of adopting;
>her baby girl will be born in mid March.
>
>Sorry to ramble -- but I do feel better, writing all of my thoughts out.
>
>Any thoughts from the masses?
>
>Thanks in advance,
>
>--
>Karen in California
>
--
Cathy
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