Re: Links for us guys...Mike - please read
From: Jennifer (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Tue, 30 Jan 2001 13:26:17 -0600 (CST)
Your message rang so true with me - I'm not married but my boyfriend has
to deal with so many of the same things you spoke of in your message -
mood swings, me being sick so often, cramps, low low sex drive. He's
stuck by me for 2 years already. I always ask him if he wants out - I
would understand if he did, but he says I'm worth more with all my
problems than 50 healthy girls. :)
But you are right when you say that it makes all the difference whether
the person is trying to get better. I was lucky to be diagnosed almost
10 years ago (at only age 15) but back then they didn't know as much
about this. Now I am on glucophage and spironolactone, birth control
pills (I made a friend send me Diane 35 from Europe because they are the
best, but aren't sold here), and I am on the Atkins diet. I am doing
everything in my power, except maybe exercising often enough.
I didn't tell you all that to prove how great I am - it's just an idea
of all that your wife could be doing to get better, feel better, etc.
So, how do you make her do it? I see a couple of possibilities:
1. This is kind of harsh. You could give her an ultimatum - tell her
that if she doesn't start trying to actively get better (drug therapy,
low carb lifestyle, exercise, etc) you can't spend the rest of your life
with her, because you are afraid she will die. That will get her
attention, but it is risky. What if she refuses to change? This of
course doesn't mean that if she stumbles you will leave her - it means
that with your help every day she will try to do what is best for her
health. She may make mistakes, binge on brownies one day, or spend a
day in bed crying - as long as she keeps trying.
2. This might be a better alternative: how about an "Intervention".
This is the type of thing that families of alcoholics do. You get
together the people most important in her life (you, siblings, parents,
close close friends) and you all meet together and you all voice your
concerns about her health, and her seeming disregard for treatment. It
requires that all the people confronting her be very knowledgeable about
pcos - but there is plenty of info, and you can give it to them ahead of
time. You'll all tell her how important she is to you, and how it makes
you feel to see her suffer, or to eat things that you know are very bad
for her and that increase her symptoms, and you'll talk about your fears
that she may die young, or have more serious health complications. I
think this might be a good way to go. If you do this be sure to get a
real plan about the steps you want her to take. For example, see an
excellent pco specialist in your area. Try starting glucophage and
spironolactone as therapy. Choose and follow one of the low carb plans
(I suggest Atkins).
I hope one of these alternatives is appropriate for you.
I have rambled long enough, but your post really touched my heart. If
you need more info, or want to ask me anything, you are welcome to email
me privately or post here.
Good luck. You sound like a wonderful person.
--
Jennifer
At Tue, 30 Jan 2001, Dave wrote:
>
>Another ladies husband posts on here regularly. I am sure that we will all
>try to help you to help your wife as much as we can.
>
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>----- Original Message -----
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> ------------------------------------------------------------
>From: "Mike" <anonymous@obgyn.net>
> ------------------------------------------------------------
>To: "Multiple recipients of list PCOS" <anonymous@obgyn.net>
>Sent: Tuesday, January 30, 2001 4:57 AM
>Subject: Links for us guys...
>
>> Does anyone have any suggestions for us husbands on how to deal with
>> PCOS wives? Fortunately, thru a lotta late night Internet research of
>> mine, my better half was finally diagnosed with PCOS by an RE in NYC.
>> However, she still is highly addicted to carbs(a big no-no), and
>> breaking her of this is next to impossible. I want to send a letter to
>> her RE prior to her next visit in March 2001, and ask him to scare the
>> hell out of her with regard to her weight/diet. It isn't that she's
>> eating a lot of calories, it's the type of calories!
>>
>> I love my wife very much, but I'm having a tough time dealing with the
>> continuing mood swings and generally poor health she's got. Since she
>> was diagnosed at age 39 last year, it sure would seem that children are
>> an near-impossibility, and I've accepted that fact. However, to be
>> quite honest, I don't know how I'm gonna be able to deal with miserable,
>> depressed, unhealthy wife for the rest of my life. There's a genetic
>> component to this mess, her mom had Type 2 diabetes, and she had the
>> same kinda mood swings, etc. that my wife's going thru. And her
>> husband(my father-in-law) couldn't really deal with her problem either,
>> and for probably the last 10-15 years of her life(she passed away in
>> '95), they were married in name only, there was no love there. I do NOT
>> want to be in that situation, quite frankly. Nor do I want to bury my
>> wife at age 50, either. So, how do I get through to her without her
>> completely freaking out? From reading some of the posts, most of the
>> women with PCOS are emotionally on the edge, and believe me, I
>> understand that completely. BUT, there's another part to this equation,
>> ladies, and that's us husbands. I think most of us guys truly believe
>> in the "for better or worse" part of our vows, and are more than willing
>> to stick by our wives and provide any and all support needed, but our
>> wives need to take the steps needed to feel better. I mean, we can deal
>> with the mood swings by walking out of the room until things settle
>> down, we can deal with the lack of desire and/or pain during sex by
>> getting real friendly with out left(or right) hands, but one thing we
>> can't deal with is not trying to get better. There have been days when
>> I've been tempted to go through the kitchen and toss out any high-carbo
>> foods and say to her "Screw it, you're gonna get better my way". I know
>> that sounds harsh, but, what's a guy to do? Please tell me...
>>
>> Sorry about the rambling, but I had to get this off my chest. And don't
>> mistake my tone for anger...no, it's sadness...sadness that my darling
>> wife, my best friend, the love of my life feels shitty, sadness that
>> I'll never be a dad to my children, sadness that so many days all my
>> wife wants to do is sleep, sadness that we don't go many places because
>> she feels lousy... But there's some anger, too...anger at her horrribly
>> incompetent doctors for failing to diagnose her PCOS years ago...I mean,
>> telling my wife to go on a diet when she's only eating 1500 calories a
>> day and still gaining weight, what the hell med school did you graduate
>> from???? Oh you're depressed, gee take this little pill here(Paxil),
>> you'll feel better, sorry I don't have the time to diagnose ya properly,
>> but I got a lotta patients to see, gotta make the $$$...
>>
>> Mike
>>
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