Re: Links for us guys...
From: SusieQ (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Tue, 30 Jan 2001 00:05:45 -0600 (CST)
Mike,
I want to say welcome and I am glad that you have taken this step for
your wife and relationship. But the most important thing for you to
remember is that you can not fix this for her. Calling the doc will not
do any good, she has probably heard it all before.
But there is a lot you can do. First, help her search for information.
Many of us can not get away from the carbs until our insulin is under
control. Your lovely wife needs some blood tests, and a doc who is
willing to work with her to decrease her insulin resistence. There are
a few choices out there, and each works differently for each woman.
Second, try to be patient for a while longer. If she was recently
diagnosed, no drugs or diet will have had time to make a significant
change. Her attitude and health will increase as she takes control of
her life and medical care.
Empower her! Remind her every day that it is her right to have adequate
medical care and a great doctor. Knowledge is power, and she has the
power to control her own care. But she must do it for herself.
We would all welcome her here, where she can find some sympathetic
shoulders and understanding hearts. Just remember, you are her
rock...don't hit her over the head with it. Just continue to be there
for her, and listen when she needs you. That is the most precious and
inspiring gift you could give her.
Don't worry so much about the diet thing, low carbing doesn't work for
everyone. I was sick as a dog on the low carbs...others find it very
helpful. But your wife will need to make any changes herself. If you
try to force the changes, you will only alienate her. She has had
enough from the doctors who misdiagnosed her, or gave her inadequate
treatments. She needs you to be there for her as she makes these
changes...not as an adversary.
I am glad she has been diagnosed, this is a big first step. Your
welcome to ask us any questions, it's nice to see such a loving and
caring husband. There are no pcos support groups for the guys that I
know of...want to start one?
luck and love, SusieQ
>Does anyone have any suggestions for us husbands on how to deal with
>PCOS wives? Fortunately, thru a lotta late night Internet research of
>mine, my better half was finally diagnosed with PCOS by an RE in NYC.
>However, she still is highly addicted to carbs(a big no-no), and
>breaking her of this is next to impossible. I want to send a letter to
>her RE prior to her next visit in March 2001, and ask him to scare the
>hell out of her with regard to her weight/diet. It isn't that she's
>eating a lot of calories, it's the type of calories!
>
>I love my wife very much, but I'm having a tough time dealing with the
>continuing mood swings and generally poor health she's got. Since she
>was diagnosed at age 39 last year, it sure would seem that children are
>an near-impossibility, and I've accepted that fact. However, to be
>quite honest, I don't know how I'm gonna be able to deal with miserable,
>depressed, unhealthy wife for the rest of my life. There's a genetic
>component to this mess, her mom had Type 2 diabetes, and she had the
>same kinda mood swings, etc. that my wife's going thru. And her
>husband(my father-in-law) couldn't really deal with her problem either,
>and for probably the last 10-15 years of her life(she passed away in
>'95), they were married in name only, there was no love there. I do NOT
>want to be in that situation, quite frankly. Nor do I want to bury my
>wife at age 50, either. So, how do I get through to her without her
>completely freaking out? From reading some of the posts, most of the
>women with PCOS are emotionally on the edge, and believe me, I
>understand that completely. BUT, there's another part to this equation,
>ladies, and that's us husbands. I think most of us guys truly believe
>in the "for better or worse" part of our vows, and are more than willing
>to stick by our wives and provide any and all support needed, but our
>wives need to take the steps needed to feel better. I mean, we can deal
>with the mood swings by walking out of the room until things settle
>down, we can deal with the lack of desire and/or pain during sex by
>getting real friendly with out left(or right) hands, but one thing we
>can't deal with is not trying to get better. There have been days when
>I've been tempted to go through the kitchen and toss out any high-carbo
>foods and say to her "Screw it, you're gonna get better my way". I know
>that sounds harsh, but, what's a guy to do? Please tell me...
>
>Sorry about the rambling, but I had to get this off my chest. And don't
>mistake my tone for anger...no, it's sadness...sadness that my darling
>wife, my best friend, the love of my life feels shitty, sadness that
>I'll never be a dad to my children, sadness that so many days all my
>wife wants to do is sleep, sadness that we don't go many places because
>she feels lousy... But there's some anger, too...anger at her horrribly
>incompetent doctors for failing to diagnose her PCOS years ago...I mean,
>telling my wife to go on a diet when she's only eating 1500 calories a
>day and still gaining weight, what the hell med school did you graduate
>from???? Oh you're depressed, gee take this little pill here(Paxil),
>you'll feel better, sorry I don't have the time to diagnose ya properly,
>but I got a lotta patients to see, gotta make the $$$...
>
>Mike
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