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Links for us guys...From: Mike (anonymous@obgyn.net)Mon, 29 Jan 2001 22:55:17 -0600 (CST)
Does anyone have any suggestions for us husbands on how to deal with PCOS wives? Fortunately, thru a lotta late night Internet research of mine, my better half was finally diagnosed with PCOS by an RE in NYC. However, she still is highly addicted to carbs(a big no-no), and breaking her of this is next to impossible. I want to send a letter to her RE prior to her next visit in March 2001, and ask him to scare the hell out of her with regard to her weight/diet. It isn't that she's eating a lot of calories, it's the type of calories! I love my wife very much, but I'm having a tough time dealing with the continuing mood swings and generally poor health she's got. Since she was diagnosed at age 39 last year, it sure would seem that children are an near-impossibility, and I've accepted that fact. However, to be quite honest, I don't know how I'm gonna be able to deal with miserable, depressed, unhealthy wife for the rest of my life. There's a genetic component to this mess, her mom had Type 2 diabetes, and she had the same kinda mood swings, etc. that my wife's going thru. And her husband(my father-in-law) couldn't really deal with her problem either, and for probably the last 10-15 years of her life(she passed away in '95), they were married in name only, there was no love there. I do NOT want to be in that situation, quite frankly. Nor do I want to bury my wife at age 50, either. So, how do I get through to her without her completely freaking out? From reading some of the posts, most of the women with PCOS are emotionally on the edge, and believe me, I understand that completely. BUT, there's another part to this equation, ladies, and that's us husbands. I think most of us guys truly believe in the "for better or worse" part of our vows, and are more than willing to stick by our wives and provide any and all support needed, but our wives need to take the steps needed to feel better. I mean, we can deal with the mood swings by walking out of the room until things settle down, we can deal with the lack of desire and/or pain during sex by getting real friendly with out left(or right) hands, but one thing we can't deal with is not trying to get better. There have been days when I've been tempted to go through the kitchen and toss out any high-carbo foods and say to her "Screw it, you're gonna get better my way". I know that sounds harsh, but, what's a guy to do? Please tell me... Sorry about the rambling, but I had to get this off my chest. And don't mistake my tone for anger...no, it's sadness...sadness that my darling wife, my best friend, the love of my life feels shitty, sadness that I'll never be a dad to my children, sadness that so many days all my wife wants to do is sleep, sadness that we don't go many places because she feels lousy... But there's some anger, too...anger at her horrribly incompetent doctors for failing to diagnose her PCOS years ago...I mean, telling my wife to go on a diet when she's only eating 1500 calories a day and still gaining weight, what the hell med school did you graduate from???? Oh you're depressed, gee take this little pill here(Paxil), you'll feel better, sorry I don't have the time to diagnose ya properly, but I got a lotta patients to see, gotta make the $$$... Mike
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