PCOS Messages for September, 2000: Hello supporters.. kinda long

Hello supporters.. kinda long - but what else would you expect :-)

From: Kallie (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Sat, 30 Sep 2000 01:44:56 -0500 (CDT)

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Previous message: Kallie: "Hello supporters.."

I wanted to thank you once again for keeping me in your prayers. I know that many of you were praying as hard as I was!

I won't say this isn't hard or emotional - put I know I will be okay. Right now I feel mostly withdrawn and moderately cynical - and a tad bit sarcastic... However - beleive it or not amongst those feelings - I am finding some positives. 1. I know I can still get pregnant on my own, god willing. 2. I am thankful that I wasn't further along. I'll leave it at that. 3. I've said before I quit smoking when I learned I was pregnant. (I quit when I was pregnant with Matt too but I started again within a month of his birth.) But this time I have made a promise to my unborn 2nd child JJ that I will never smoke again. I'll never get a chance to do anything for him/her but I can do this as a tribute to the life that will never be, for JJ's brother, and his father. 4. I know that having a child already doesn't make this any less of a loss - and I know people may have differnt opinions - but for me, having Matt may not make it "easier" but it does give m ecomfort - it makes me greatful - and it gives me something tangible. He doesn't even know what has been going on but he is giving me endless comfort right now even if he doesn't know it.

There will be times when I will wonder what might have been.. That I imagine will go on forever. But I am blessed and in those times I will try to focus on what I have rather than what might have been. I imagine that going forward with life, those will be the most paindul times.

ALso I wanted to let you know that my D & E experience today was not as bad as I'd expected. I don't really want to get into the whole thing right this second but I'll say that it was over quickly, I don't remember a thing about the procedure and the nurses and my doc took very good care of me. However, if anyone has questions about the D & E just ask.

Thanks again for sharing this increadible difficult time in my life. With all of the ups and downs over the past few weeks this has been the hardest time of my life. Thank you for your continual kinds words and thoughts. I'll try to return the kindness as I can in the coming weeks.

Thank you - Love Kallie

--
Kallie

Next message: paula: "Re: Glucose/Insulin test"
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