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Re: Babies, Babies, Babies
From: AJ (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Tue, 26 Sep 2000 13:45:48 -0500 (CDT)
Tina...it sounds like this "visit" is going to be awfully traumatic for
you. Why even go through with it? You may not be as "healed" as you
once thought you were. You are under no obligation to open your home to
any situation that will cause you such terrible grief...whether it be
relatives or otherwise.
At Tue, 26 Sep 2000, Tina wrote:
>
>Ok, I am going to be adult about this, I am going to be strong, clam up,
>and take it like a woman should. I am not going to be depressed,
>distressed, or grouchy. At least that is what I keep telling myself. It
>is not enough that all of my frieds, my cousins and family acquaintances
>have children, now my younger brother, and now my husbands younger
>sister have both had children. Which means instead of US making our
>parents, grandparents first, our younger siblings have done it. On top
>of everything else I am the ONLY grandchild out of MANY that has not
>produced a great-grandchild. Now my sister-in-law and mother-in-law are
>coming to visit from out of state with our niece. And I have to pretend
>it does not bother me. It does not bother me that my sister-in-law,
>very young, inexperienced, and unappreciative of what she has brought
>into this world, that she has a child and I can not. That I have been
>married for 8.5 years and NOTHING. I have to come face to face with a
>baby in my house, sleeping in the room that was once made into a nursery
>for the adoption that fell thru at the last minute. Sleeping in the
>crib that I bought for MY child. I am not a hanger onner. I have let
>it go as best as possible. Many moons ago I changed that room from a
>nursery to a guest room, people have been sleeping in it for months. But
>now, I will have a baby in it, in the crib that I put away a long time
>ago. using my car seat that I never got to use, using the stroller that
>I never got to use. OH, it is ok because it is there and SOMEONE should
>use it. At least that is what I keep telling myself. The big question
>will be answered soon, they get here in 2 days. Will I handle it with
>grace? Will I be able to lock myself in the bathroom and cry alone so I
>do not make a fool of myself. I tell myself, I do not want kids, I need
>to get well, I can not afford them. But who wants it all rubbed in
>their face? Who really wants to face it that up close? Am I weak? Or am
>I justified?
>
>--
>Tina M. Robertson
>
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