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Re: Adoption

From: Eileen (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Mon, 14 Aug 2000 18:10:39 -0500 (CDT)

Hi Paula, Thanks for sharing some interesting and important thoughts on adoption. I am not adopted, but I agree with telling the children the truth about their status, and telling them they were special enough to be chosen. The reason I say that is that a relative who is adopted had MAJOR issues about it, because she was not told the truth by her parents from the beginning.

I do not know yet if I will be able to have children or not since I have not tried, although I would like to in the near future. I wonder though if open adoption is such a good idea. I mean, the biological parents could change their mind and sue the adoptive parents to take the children away. Who would want to go through that torment and heartbreak? Most judges seem to side with the biological parents in a way that defies common sense. I have heard of a case in Maryland where a judge was getting ready to recuse himself from a case because he wanted to return a biological child to a biological mother who had abused and killed one of her other children. The child was even being cared for by a police officer who wanted to adopt him. I never heard the final outcome of the case, but there are MANY cases like that, so people have to beware, I think when they adopt. The law highly favors biological parents, even in many cases where they have been abusive.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I really enjoyed reading your post. love, Eileen

At Mon, 14 Aug 2000, paula wrote: >
>i am adopted...and while i realize it is not most people's first
>choice...it can work out ok...there are several issues to consider when
>adopting a child...other than tax deductions =), one is whether or not
>to have an open adoption...personally i will not adopt a child unless i
>can know and be in touch with the birth parents. i feel that it is
>essential for normal development. i dont necessarily think that the
>child should be in contact with them until they are older, but i feel I
>should have access to all medical information, as it changes, so i know
>what my child is prone to.
>
>i also think that i should be made aware if they have other children,
>and where those children are....i think my child should have access to
>those children...this all is coming from the perspective of an adopted
>person, so it is not just based on whimsey.
>
>a closed adoption (where you dont know the birth parents) is ok too, but
>i would be sure i had their names. your adopted child WILL want to
>search for them at some point and names will make it much easier on them
>(i think that something like 98% of all adoptees search for birth
>reletives).
>
>finally, for anyone wanting to adopt, i am just stating this for the
>record...please please please tell your child he/she is adopted. do not
>hide this fact from them...it can result in serious emotional problems
>when they find out...a child should be told from the minute you bring
>him/her home..."mommy and daddy are so lucky to have gotton you....you
>are special...mommy and daddy picked you out...mommy and daddy searched
>for the perfect baby...and we found you" they will not exactly
>understand what you are talking about, but they will get the feeling
>that although their situation is a bit different (and it is) they are
>special because you chose them...out of all the children you could have
>had...you chose them. then later, when they really understand...they
>will remember that...
>
>just my 2 cents!
>love, paula

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