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Re: Q to those with significant others (a little long)
From: Monica (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Tue, 1 Aug 2000 09:28:30 -0500 (CDT)
Merryheartsong, you are so wise, too. I agree with you on being the
best you can be for those you love. When we were younger, my mom used
to remind my three sisters and I not to just put on your "best face" for
your friends, you need to do that for your family, too.
I'm also learning that self-esteem really comes from within. I can't
expect my husband to give it to me. I've fallen into the trap of trying
to be everything to/for him at the expense of losing my "self". I am a
nurturing person by nature and it's so easy to put everyone else first
and my needs last. For me, part of that stems from fear of rejection.
I'm not talking about selfishness but self love. There is such a fine
line. Primping for hubby and family not only makes them feel good, but
like you said it makes YOU feel good too. We are all called to be the
best we can be. And I'm slowly learning what that truly means. Keep
posting, you are inspirational! :)Monica
At Mon, 31 Jul 2000, anonymous@obgyn.net wrote:
>
>My hubby and I have been married for almost 10 years and I do not do my hair
>removal in front of my husband. It is not a self-esteem issue nor one of
>shame, just an inclusion of it in my other habits that I do solo.
>A very beautiful (inside and out) and wise lady once shared with me that in
>the old days ladies never made it an everyday practice to frump around the
>house in their worst clothes with their hair undone and only fix up when they
>went out. She showed me the importance of giving your best for those who are
>the most deserving of your best (your loved ones). This inspired me to give
>my best to the one I love the most. I learned that there are a lot of
>comfortable clothes that I can wear besides sweats, that I feel better when I
>look nice, and I feel more motivated to do other things when I feel better.
>I don't think it would bother him if shaved and tweezed in front of him, and
>he has seen me at times when I've not been able to do it at all, but I've
>developed a routine in recent years that includes showering and fixing up a
>little for my hubby before he comes home. It makes him feel special that I do
>this for him; It makes me feel rejuvenated and able to make it through the
>rest of the day; and it has helped to revive some of that desire for physical
>intimacy that I thought was gone forever.
>I do agree that there must be a balance, where all of our self-worth isn't
>dependent on our looks. I've battled the severe depression (you know what I
>mean, where I didn't feel good, look good, act good or smell good). But we
>must realize that our husbands live in the real world, too. Everywhere they
>go, they are in contact with women who took lots of time to look their best
>before they left their house. They see all these beautiful women and they
>come home to us, their beautiful wives. Aren't they important enough to spend
>a little extra time to fix up for? To show them that we think they're
>special? I think this is true for all women, not just those with PCOS. If we
>don't show them, someone else will be more than willing to.
>I'm just expressing my personal opinions. Nothing I've said was in direct
>response to anyone else's opinions.
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