PCOS Messages for July, 2000: Re: Why this board is triggering to me.

Re: Why this board is triggering to me.

From: Susan (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Mon, 31 Jul 2000 14:17:23 -0500 (CDT)

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MJ - That is a fabulous message. It becomes easy to focus on the negatives when we lose the big picture.. I had a very close friend of mine pass away last year 7 months after she discovered she had cancer, she wrote me the following letter a few months before her death. Before I discovered there was a name for what was going on with me. When I start feeling the world closing in on me and feel like my problems are getting to big, I read this and it wakes me up. This is very personal but I really feel there is a msg. in it for many of us:

Susan - You know I love you dearly and I want you to know this letter is written out of that love. You need to get up, and brush yourself off. Get out of that house before it becomes your coffin! I have been to the place you are at and Ill be honest with you, I wish I could be there again. I promise you I would claw my way to the door and go do all the things I can't do now. My excuse isn't my weight anymore, you and I both know, I wish it was. I'm thinner now but guess what, I can't make it to the bathroom without needing to take a nap afterward. How long are you planning on waiting before you realize you are worthy of living? Don't waste anymore time. I can give you a book full of things I wish I had done, but can't now. How could I have been so stupid, it just doesn't seem important now. What was I so worried about? That people might laugh at me? That I might look silly? It's insane how ridiculous that is when I say it now. And I can't tell you how it hurts me to the core that I can't make it as clear to you as it became to me in an instant. Susan, please realize you just don't know what tomorrow brings, and there is such a difference between really living and just existing. It's time to stop just existing. Start living honey, smile, love, play and enjoy life as much as you possibly can, if you think something sounds like fun DO IT, and don't give a damned what anyone says! I love you very much and want so much to know I made a positive difference in your life. And know if at all possible, I'll always be a part of you. All my love - Gina

At Mon, 31 Jul 2000, mj wrote: >
>I post very infrequently here. The reason being not because i dislike
>this board but because it is too triggering to me. I am 33 and was
>diagnosed with pcos 3 years ago. Like many pcos, i am obese, have a
>beard i shave, no periods ect.
>When my chin hairs turned into a beard around the age of 27 it was
>devestating to me. Not because i was horrified it but i viewed it as
>one more thing society wont accept about me. You see i was born with a
>form of autisum, i went threw school is special ed. Acceptance was
>never part of me life. by the time i was in my 20's i no longer left my
>bedroom. Panic attacks and agoraphobia had clamed my life. My family
>hated me they found me to be one of the most unacceptable things on the
>planet. I was diagnosed with a large tumor, have had many surgeries,
>early stage cancer..in and out of hospitals. Even in the mental
>hospital. Why am I telling you all this?? Because one day i had had
>enough and it took a long long time, but i got better. I got a job,
>left my bedroom, went to college, learned to drive. At the age of 28 i
>was reborn. but i could only be reborn when i accomplished one thing,
>self acceptance. I started by threwing out my medicine cabinet full of
>hair removal products. I bought a good razor and decided i would shave
>everymorning at that was it. I would not be defined by my 6' o clock
>shadow. Of course this was only one change i made in my life. I no
>longer think much about my facial hair. just shave every morning and
>begin my day. But when i come here i get sad when i read so many posts
>about hair removal and comments like "what would i do if i ever ended up
>in the hospital and couldn't shave". We are taught to think facial hair
>is unacceptable on a women. I would like someday for society to view it
>as not acceptable or unacceptable but just another characteristic
>variety of the human race. so that is why i get triggered here. I
>would so like to see more of a focus here of self acceptance. We can do
>our part to change societal views by challenging our own thoughts and
>sharing it on the forum
>
>sincerley
>mj

Next message: Susan: "Re: Need your help ASAP"
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