Re: Just so depressed...longish
From: Debbie (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Thu, 6 Jul 2000 12:14:51 -0500 (CDT)
I already tried the therapy thing. We have been having problems for the
past few years but it seems to come and go. It helped me but he didn't
even slightly work at trying to change. He is the type of person who
would bend over backwards a hundred times for anyone.... except me.
Everyone tells me how lucky I am to have such a good husband. Well,
they don't see him when we are alone. But no one believes me becaues
they never see it. He doesn't hit me or anything but the verbal is just
as bad. Thanks for the advice.
And Michelle, my husband didn't want the daughter that we have. He
actually tried to talk me into getting an abortion. So I know that he
wouldn't be into it at all if we had another. He hardly plays with the
one we have. But I still don't think that it was fair of him to make
the decision for me like that. He could have asked me to stay on the
pill or something. Not do something so permanent. (I don't want you to
think that I'm sounding nasty, because that's not how this is meant. I
reread it and it kind of does but it's not meant that way :-)
--
Debbie
At Thu, 6 Jul 2000, Alina wrote:
>
>Debbie -- I hope I'm not out of line here, but it sounds like you've got
>good reason to be depressed. You're dealing with a lot: the grief of
>possibly foregoing another child; dealing with PCOS; and dealing with a
>partner who sounds like he wasn't as sensitive as he might have been and
>is sending out some difficult messages. You might find it helpful to
>try to find a counsellor who can help you and your husband, or you alone
>if your husband won't go along, to sort through some of these issues. I
>got my husband to go for a few rounds of counselling with me once and we
>both found it extremely helpful, and I assure you he isn't hte sort of
>person to go easily to counselling and it took a lot of convincing on my
>part. I think the thing that helped do that was saying that I didn't
>want to open up everything, our whole relationship. We had a very
>focussed issue in mind when we went, and that helped us and the
>counsellor to work in a concentrated way. We only went about 6 or 7
>times, and it made a big difference for us in terms of getting "on side"
>together.
>
>Good luck to you and keep us posted.
>Alina
>
>At Wed, 5 Jul 2000, Debbie wrote:
>>
>>I don't know who to talk to about this. No one around seems to have any
>>words of advice for me. I have been trying for a few months to get
>>prego. I had been on the pill for a little over 2 years before trying
>>so for the first few months I was regular. But then came last month. I
>>went right back to how I was before the pill, birth of my daughter (who
>>was a miracle) and then the pill again. I was 22 days late. I was sure
>>I was pregnant. I took 3 home tests, hoping they were wrong and went to
>>the dr for a blood test. Needless to say, they were all negative. In
>>the mean time, my husband who doesn't want anymore kids got a vasectomy,
>>my sister found out she's pregnant and 3 of my friends are too. I'm not
>>handling this well at all and I don't know what to do. I keep thinking
>>I can focus on loosing weight and spending time with my daughter and
>>being able to give her everything we want to give her. But I just feel
>>so empty. Especially when my daughter says to me "I need to be a big
>>sister". That just kills me. I'm wondering if anyone else is/was in a
>>similar situation and has any advice of how I can get past this. I cry
>>every day and being around my sister right now isn't helping. I am
>>trying to be happy for her but it really hurts. Someone, help me :-(
>>Debbie
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