To Margo and Clara
From: Christine (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Fri, 28 Apr 2000 14:49:58 -0500 (CDT)
You are both totally amazing! Thank you so much for that dose of
reality. Here I am feeling sorry for myself that I have gained 15
pounds in the last 9 months and thinking how unattractive I am to my
boyfriend. He keeps telling me he thinks I look great. He has NEVER
said anything negative about my acne and when I came home last week from
the RE and explained the condition, the long-term health risks and the
infertility issue he was so great. he just hugged me and said I
shouldn't worry - when we want to conceive we'll do whatever it takes
and not to worry about the costs of the Dr. appointments and meds, we
will work it out.
So thank you both - you reminded me that if someone truly loves you
looks don't matter and you reminded me to stop feeling sorry for myself
and getting so down about this because I am not alone and I have many
people who love me.
At Fri, 28 Apr 2000, Margo wrote:
>
>Clara - I can totally relate to your situation and agree with you 100%.
>
>I used to be a size 6 and actually did some modeling. I was in a beauty
>contest and won and was sent overseas to compete. Now I am so fat, I
>can hardly believe that used to be me - it is so upsetting. There are
>functions that I have skipped such as my high school reunion and some
>sorority alumni get togethers because I am so embarassed about the way I
>look that I don't want those people to see me and say things like WOW
>she really let herself go etc etc. I don't want anyone to laugh at me.
>(I know that sounds stupid). I have a friend who has a band that plays
>local clubs and I don't go to those either - even though I love dancing
>and listening to music. A former psycho room mate who made fun of me
>mercilessly especially regarding weight likes to go sometimes, and I am
>sure Murphy's Law being what it is, that she will come to the gig that I
>get the guts to go to and I really don't want to be made fun of again.
>(whew it feels good getting that thuth out instead of telling my friends
>I don't feel well or am too busy). This old room mate would say things
>like "you are so fat no man would ever consider looking at you and you
>are positively disgusting to look at, you are such a blimp you are a
>gross, fat disgusting pig" - nice huh? Needless to say I REALLY don't
>want to run into her anywhere.
>
>You know, I still have some of those "skinny" photos lying around and
>every time I look at them they make me depressed. I have heard people
>say "that is you?!" so many times it isn't even funny and each time
>hurts just the same. My cousin in his eagerness to "help" me has taken
>to monitoring everything I eat at family gatherings or when we go out to
>dinner. He'll say stuff like "you're going to have a salad and grilled
>chicken right?" or "you shouldn't have dessert Margo". I want to punch
>him! I am so self conscious that I don't even want to eat around him at
>all.
>
>My fiance who knew me when I was smaller has NEVER said a word to me
>about the weight issue. He has been very supportive which makes it
>easier to bear. But explaining that PCOS is a very REAL and TREATABLE
>condition rather than someone's lack of willpower and exercise to others
>is difficult.
>
>Clara your husband sounds like a wonderful man. Your outlook and sense
>of humor on PCOS has helped me tremendously and I just want to thank you
>and all the other women here for making me feel that I am not crazy and
>not alone in this.
>
>At Fri, 28 Apr 2000, Avalos, wrote:
>>
>>Hi...
>>
>>I'm 32 years old and weigh about 200 lbs. I'm also 5'2" when I stretch
>>really well.. so you can probably imagine what 200 lbs looks like on someone
>>of my stature! Unlike you, I have not always been this way, in fact, I've
>>only been like this for a few years... Yet the weight has completely turned
>>my life upside down. My pain is acute, but it is a little different from
>>yours. And I also have found a measure of comfort in this situation, a
>>silver lining, if you will....Still, I'm with you, sharing your feelings and
>>your thoughts and the hurt and frustration; I've become my own
>>mini-counselor, pep-talker, motivational guru...it gets me through life in
>>one piece (albeit a bigger one than I wish I were).
>>
>>You see, I also fantasize about being a woman who is admired for her looks
>>and not her brains... I can fantasize quite well about it because I used to
>>be one of those women before PCOS kicked into full throttle in my system!
>>In fact, I was so admired for my looks that back then (not too long ago)
>>hardly any men even considered the fact that I might have a brain under my
>>head, behind that pretty face and above that stacked bombshell body... And I
>>recall so many days and nights of fantasizing about being a woman who was
>>admired for her brains and her abilities and not for her sex-appeal. They
>>say be careful what you wish for..... << grin >>
>>
>>Now that PCOS has invaded my life, I am an oompa-loompa. I am robust. I am
>>round. I am heavy. I am fat. I am overweight. I struggle to get up off
>>of the couch, can't see beyond my stomach, can't really wrap my arms around
>>myself, have to lift my breasts into my bra-cups, strain to button any
>>article of clothing with a side-closure (I hate certain clothing designers
>>for this), and forget tying my darn shoes in public... my breasts are so big
>>that they get in the way when I eat.. they put so much distance between me &
>>the table that I always inevitably end up spilling on my front & making a
>>fool of myself. I don't wear make-up too often anymore, what's the use? I
>>don't spend time on myself the way I used to, who cares since now I am fat &
>>ugly, right? I would feel like a clown if I did put lipstick on.. who am I
>>trying to kid? lipstick will not make me attractive... losing 80 lbs will
>>help, but not lipstick! So cabinets full of the stuff sit unused in my
>>house. I am too heavy to do aerobics, my feet and knees hurt when I try...
>>I dread walking because people stare, and I can't find anything comfortable
>>enough to walk and sweat in and not look like a warped melon-in-spandex.
>>Lane Bryant and other designers for BIG women forget that some of us are
>>midgets, too. I have tiny little hands and tiny little feet and they are
>>the only two parts of me that have not gotten FAT. My NOSE has gained
>>weight, for crying out loud. My EARS are plumper... This is INSANE!!!!!
>>Some days, I feel too fat to get out of bed. I feel too fat to get ready
>>for work, I feel too fat to breathe, it seems. People look at me when I
>>eat, and I KNOW what they are thinking, I can see it in their eyes, and it
>>drives me NUTS! (no, I am not psychotic, just tired of it all) And to top
>>it all off, sex, while it is wonderful with my husband, is nowhere near as
>>fun as it used to be, oh, say, eighty pounds ago.
>>
>>Last Saturday my sister-in-law had a birthday... we went to their house to
>>celebrate & some dim-wit at the party had the brilliant idea of suggesting
>>that we all go out dancing to a hot Latin club in D.C. ... despite my
>>protests, we were roped into going Interestingly enough, my husband and I
>>used to go there a lot when we were dating several years back. Bad move.
>>Fat people just don't go to places like that. really bad move. I went home
>>tired, dejected, mad, annoyed, and more frustrated than ever. I was
>>fantasizing that night about the way it used to be, and trying to understand
>>how it got to this point. I have been on so many diets that my head spins
>>from the thought of them, I have taken phentermine and zoloft to lose
>>weight, I have worked out, I have stretched my stubby little self and tried
>>to move and twist and jump and walk and sweat to the music, thinking BURN
>>THOSE FAT CELLS BABY! pft. nothing. nada. nyet. no results. I am
>>fatter than ever. If my husband, ever dares to invite me to take a walk
>>with him, most nights I look at him, circles under my eyes and above my
>>round potato face, and I exhale... I am sooooooooooo tired at the end of the
>>day...... so tired that I am too tired to wake up the next day, it seems!
>>how on earth can he think that I can get myself into walking mode when all I
>>feel is the need to sleep.....? Bless him, he is only thinking of me, and
>>trying to be supportive. So I umph and grunt and haul my carcass up and
>>into my tennies and off we go, the modern day version of Jack Sprat and his
>>generously proportioned wife.... not that the walking briskly has helped me
>>much... the neighbors stare, I am still fat. (then again, if he went without
>>me, I just might kill myself from the shame and disgust... been there, too).
>>But my husband's presence has eased the hurt a bit, and to tell the truth, I
>>do sleep better afterward he drags me out on a walk, whether from the
>>physical exertion, or the protective feel of my husband's love, I am not
>>sure. Last Saturday, after we got home from that pulsating dance club, and
>>as I lay there and fantasized, my husband snuggled up to me and held me
>>close... I asked him if he is happy with me, and he knew what I was getting
>>at. He told me that he has never been happier and that he would not change
>>one thing about life and about us. I slept really well that night. I am
>>blessed, I realize, regardless of the fatness.... There is more to me than
>>fat, and there must be a God, because I have a wonderful husband who
>>realizes this, I have friends who realize this, and they love me, too.
>>
>>I'm an attorney by profession, and I work as a commercial contract
>>negotiator. My job is "cool" because I can do it from anywhere on the
>>planet, as long as I have a computer, fax & phone. I never see the people
>>who work with me on a daily basis, they are spread out all over the U.S.
>>... but they talk to me in a way that is different from the way people who
>>SEE me will talk to me... In my case, I am lucky, because physical
>>impressions do not interfere with the way people treat me in my job.
>>Perhaps that is one reason that I love my job so much and have such a hard
>>time leaving at the end of each day! Perhaps that is why I throw all my
>>energy into my job to the point that I am wiped out every night.... I am a
>>Negotiator at work, and I get folks to agree to terms and conditions, and I
>>make them laugh while I do it... so my brains and personality are the only
>>thing I have going for me; I can not influence with a look or a gesture, I
>>have to influence and make impressions with the inner ME; I lose my body and
>>become just a voice and I work the parties into a deal without the benefit
>>of looking anyone in the eye... I guess I could say that I "look them in the
>>ears". And those people that I work with who can't see me... well, I kind
>>of like it that way, since they talk to me like they think I am "IT, they
>>joke with me the way they would joke with a svelte, attractive, smart,
>>professional woman; I am under no illusion that, if they could see me, they
>>would never even give me a second thought, professionally, or otherwise....
>>I kind of wish that all parts of my life were like my work... blind to my
>>appearance. For now, I've got my husband and my job, and they help a heck
>>of a lot.
>>
>>I kind of snicker when my sister calls, every so often, to tell me that an
>>old flame of mine, and a good friend, called to ask about me.. again. He
>>always tells her that I am his fantasy, the "one that got away" (long
>>story), and we laugh over it. To tell the truth, he is my fantasy, too,
>>though I would not trade my husband in for him in a minute... Anyway,
>>sometimes my sister tells me how gorgeous I could be if I just lost
>>weight... ha ha ha ha ha ha... she doesn't have PCOS, she has no clue, she's
>>a size zero, she thinks soy milk, jogging and yoga are it! Sometimes, after
>>we hang up, I cry. If my ex could see me now, he would run so fast he'd
>>probably go into orbit! Then I feel better almost instantly... you see, I
>>am married to a man who did not run when I turned into the modern-day
>>oompa-loompa right before his very eyes. I've come to realize that most
>>folks out there are not too deep, and really don't want to know others
>>well... Too many friendships and relationships out there are based on
>>physical appearance, and many of those relationships evaporate when a person
>>(like me, for example) gets fat. As a couple, my husband and I have few
>>close friends... Those friends that we do have are special people... they
>>are more special because they love me for me, and not for my appearance, and
>>they respect my husband for his love for me, and his support of my trials
>>and tribulations.
>>
>>You say that you are tired of men talking to you about your cute friends....
>>I hear you loud and clear, sister. Couldn't agree with your feelings more,
>>it is annoying as hell to hear men talk to us about women that they are
>>interested in, when we know that the interest is based solely on looks....
>>I've even chastised one of my husband's brothers about doing that! (yeah, we
>>can get cranky, too). But step back and take a dose of reality: Since when
>>do our "cute" friends or sisters have better lives than we do just because
>>they look better in clothes and have men oogling after them? Come on,
>>girlfriend! How many of those men would you really want in your life
>>anyway? A FRACTION of those guys are worth the time they take up in womens'
>>lives, if that..... I dated men like that when I was "hot".... none of them
>>had enough brains to hold my attention back then, and none of them would
>>have stuck with me when I turned into a pumpkin.... My adorable size zero
>>sister is single and hates the fact that the men who try to talk to her are
>>all after her body and don't even listen to her when she talks...
>>
>>Yeah, I fantasize, but differently than you do. You know something, being
>>thin and attractive is not the be all and end all, and it does not make life
>>better. Sometimes, it makes life worse, because it attracts shallow,
>>selfish people to you, and those are not the kinds of people who will hang
>>tough with you when you are down and out. I revel in the fact that my
>>personality and brains are my greatest attractions!
>>
>>After all this, what am I trying to say to you? Love yourself, love WHO you
>>are, be proud of the fact that people like and respect you for your
>>personality and your brains... being liked for one's looks pales in
>>comparison! If nothing else, having to deal with these difficult aspects of
>>reality has made people like us more sensitive, more accepting, more
>>understanding and more compassionate... Be good to yourself, above all else.
>>
>>And... since you're a Cyster, too... go kick some serious butt and take care
>>of that PCOS! Life is too beautiful for us to let extra poundage keep us
>>from loving it!
>>
>>wordy and wiped out from the babbling,
>>
>>Clara...........
>>-----Original Message-----
>>From: anonymous@obgyn.net [mailto:anonymous@obgyn.net
>>Sent: Friday, April 28, 2000 3:36 AM
>>To: Multiple recipients of list PCOS
>>Subject: Re: Are you over 200 lbs? OH YEAH.
>>
>>Hi everyone,
>>
>>Thought I'd dive in with my first message to the "over 200 lbs" thread.
>>I, too, am over 200... 280, to be exact. My frustration exists on so
>>many levels, it's painful.
>>
>>I got diagnosed officially 18 months ago, after a lifetime of derogatory
>>comments from doctors about my weight. I should point out, I haven't
>>been thin one day of my life. I've been on every diet in existence. 18
>>months ago, I finally met a wonderful GYN and Endocrinologist who know
>>PCOS well, and together they put me on a regimen of Metformin, Actos,
>>Spiro, Loestrin, and Bellergal for hot flashes. I lost 40 lbs. and my
>>triglycerides, which had been in the high 300's, dropped to a healthy
>>level. I'd begun low-carbing with Atkins first, then CAD--but when the
>>endo realized I was having too much gastrointestinal distress and a
>>large number of hypoglycemic attacks, he told me to get off the
>>low-carbing. But since that point, I seem to have gotten somewhat
>>immune to all medication, I gained back 20 lbs, and my exhaustion has
>>returned along with the menstrual irregularity.
>>
>>Socially speaking, it's been a lifelong nightmare. People respect me
>>for my brains but men shun me for my weight. I'm looking for the magic
>>switch so I can shut off my emotions, thus not being so depressed about
>>my "social leper" status. But I haven't found it, and so every time I
>>have to hear another man telling me how much "in love" he is with my
>>friend because she is sooo cute.... I get severely depressed and start
>>thinking about suicide.
>>
>>Is anyone else on this list fantasizing about being one of those women
>>who's admired for her looks, instead of her brains or personality? Or am
>>I the only one?
![[ PCOS Discussion Forums ]](../../images/pcos_at_obgyn.gif)