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Re: Frustrated - might be PG Advice needed

From: Bronwyn (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Sun, 8 Sep 2002 23:48:32 -0500


Shawna,

Humbly, I thank you for your compliments. I also remember enduring the many friends and family who became pregnant and had babies while I was still in the midst of doctor's visits, etc. I encourage any woman going thru infertility to stand up for herself and NOT go to baby showers if she feels it will be too painful. If the mother-to-be is a friend or family, hopefully she will be able to understand if you take her aside and explain that while you truly are happy for her, at this point in your life, you feel it would be too uncomfortable for you to be there. If there are others in your circle who would be at the shower and know that you're experiencing infertility, they may feel a bit awkward around you too. If, however, the day of the shower you actually feel you can face it, by all means....GO!.....there is nothing wrong with changing your mind...or leaving early if you've thought you would be okay, and discover differently.

I also know many people try to be understanding and they'll say things that hurt horribly....because they just DON"T understand! You can never fully brace yourself for these things, but knowing that you'll probably have to at some point, perhaps your can feel a little prepared.

I remember twice in the middle of a group, a woman was announced to be expecting. One time was at my bunco club. All the other members already knew the woman was expecting, but the hostess announced it and everyone's face turned to see how *I* would take the news. I had just talked with the mother-to-be on the phone 20 minutes before the meeting, and she hadn't said a thing to me then....of course...I was in total shock. Had I not been sitting in a corner where I would have to crawl over several people, I would have quickly fled the room!

The other time, was at the ladies church group. One woman announced she was expecting, after they had been trying for 2 or 3 months (without medical help.....just the natural "trying"). She then proceeded to kneel before me, taking my hands, and telling me that all I had to do was "give it over to God" for that's what she had done and "BOOM" She's pregnant. I could feel the blood drain from my face. I stayed in the room long enough to be sure my legs would hold me until I could run to the bathroom, where I fell to my knees in tears (a very familiar thing....those tears on bended knee). I remember later asking another friend, "Why did she say that? Doesn't she realize I'm on my knees, indeed...on my face....in prayer asking God for a child EVERY DAY....SEVERAL TIMES A DAY???"

Some people believe everything happens for a reason........perhaps these things were to teach me patience...for I love my son more than I had ever expected possible, after having waited for him so long. Perhaps I was to be taught compassion....for without the love and compassion of others who listened to me whine, cry, pray, and constantly talking about infertility....I would never have endured. Perhaps......it was just to teach me to share my experience with others....so that their walks will be a little bit less lonely.

Hugs,

Shelley> Shelley, > What wonderful words! I have been diagnosed with PCOS in the past six
> weeks. The diagnosis came about because we were not getting pregnant
> and my periods had stopped for almost a year. As you put it, my heart
> and mind have convinced me on serveral occasions that I was pregnant,
> only to be crushed when I realized I was not. It seems as if I have had
> to "gleefully" endure the pregnancies of many of my dearest friends and
> even my sister-in-law this year when I really just felt like screaming
> and carrying on in a jealous rage. YOur words of encouragement and
> advice touched me deeply. Thanks for taking the time to post such a
> great message of hope.
>
> --
> sincerely,
> S. Tobin




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