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Re: Gastric Bypass...to NicoleFrom: anonymous@obgyn.net ("anonymous@obgyn.net")Fri, 7 Jun 2002 16:26:44 -0400
Hi Nicole, I'm glad your husband isn't as bad as mine got.....but you also need to make sure you remind him that encouragement goes a lot further than browbeating. *HUG* I can tell you this, I've had women friends who've told me their husbands were mistreating them....one said hers would call her "stupid" in front of their young son all the time. I've told these women that if they wanted me to, I'd talk to their husbands for them. I don't want others to have to go thru divorce, but by the same token, no woman should have to put up with being treated like she's not good enough for whatever petty reason the man things of. It took me 16 years to figure it out.....occassionaly, in the dating world, I've had to remind myself of that lesson....but it's definitely one of those "triggers" that gets me going. I also know there are tons of really great men out there who are very supportive and encouraging of their wives with PCOS..as well as many other medical problems...no matter what they weigh or their limits are. In the dating world (by the way, I just turned 42), most men seem to be looking for the anemic waifs, but I have found some, here and there, who appreciate the whole person......not just worrying about what others will think of them if they don't have the perfect trophy chick hanging on their arms. I regained the weight I lost.....I currently am at 240...more than I was at nine months pregnant with my son (I conceived after 6 1/2 years of infertility with the help of Pergonal)....I have had men tell me I'm pretty, desirable...and...even...SEXY!!! Even so....I still am depressed about my weight....my looks....and am always wondering if I'll be accepted or discarded whenever I meet a new guy....(some of the women in my college classes can be just as cruel in judging a person by their looks and size). As for the surgery.....I suppose you should start with which ever doctor you feel the most comfortable.....the one who you feel would be most receptive to the idea. Don't let them intimidate you.....easier said than done....but YOU are the one paying the bill......YOU have a right to explore options for your health care. Do as much research online and thru the posts as you can. Hopefully some of the other women who've gone thru the surgery can give you personal experience suggestions and ideas to discuss with your doctors, even if they are not as receptive to the idea as you would prefer. I would also document what I've done to try to lose weight on my own. Keep a diary from now until you have your appointment that keeps track of what you eat, when you eat, how much you eat. Keep track of what kind of excersize you do, how long, where, when. Write out your personal reasons for having the surgery. Stress that you realize it's not a magic cure all.....that you realize the risks involved. Anything you might want to discuss about the surgery with your doctor, reasons for it, benefits, concerns, ...everything....write them all down so you'll have a list with you when you talk to the doctor. He/she will see that you are serious and prepared to explore this option and you are seeking their knowledge in helping you make the best decision for yourself. Another thing, Nicole......you are a very wonderful woman! You know you need to do something. YOu have tried over and over again....that doesn't make you a failure....that just means that something didn't work for YOU. You keep picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, and trying again. (A favorite quote of mine is "Courage doesn't always roar...sometimes, it's the quiet voice at the end of the day that says 'I shall try again tomorrow'." ) You are looking for options to achieve your goal.....that of being healthier and at a healthier weight. YOu've taken a huge step, Nicole. I'm proud of you! It takes considerable courage to admit that something isn't working and to have the determination to keep searching until you find something that does! It also takes extreme courage to keep trying when you live with someone who doesn't always appreciate the strength required to keep going in spite of things not working the way they do for so many others. You are a strong woman, Nicole. You are intelligent. You are courageous. Your husband is very lucky to have someone like YOU in his life.....a woman who hears his words of discouragement and yet, she loves him unconditionally. Best wishes! Hugs, Shelley -------------------------------------------------------------------- mail2web - Check your email from the web at -------------------------------------------------------------------- http://mail2web.com/ . -- --------------------------------------------------------------------
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