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Re: PCOS Patients after Roux en Y Gastric Bypass

From: anonymous@obgyn.net ("anonymous@obgyn.net")
Fri, 7 Jun 2002 10:46:30 -0400


Hi Nicole!

It sounds like you're doing pretty much everything you can be expected to do to work at solving the problem of excess weight. Unfortunately, PCOS causes your body to work against you. *HUG* Not everyone, including doctors, can appreciate this. As for having the surgery, my sister-in-law checked with her insurance and they will only cover it if she's 100 pounds or more over what her weight should be. Even though she is just EIGHT pounds less than the 100 required, they won't accept her for this surgical proceedure. It might depend on case-by-case basis too, please see the other post I wrote to Julie regarding possible medical necessity reasons that might work for you.

How unfortunate that your husband isn't understanding and very supportive. *HUG* Unfortunately, I was in similar shoes for many, many years. I would try those expensive program diets that cost $300 or so....like "NutriBolic" and "NutriSystem" and I would follow it to the "T" as well as run in place for 20 minutes or so every day and still, I'd only lose 18 pounds. My husband was NOT supportive at all. One night, when our daughter was a small baby, he was getting himself a bowl of ice cream. He asked if I wanted some too, and I replied "No thank you". He said "Are you SURE?" I said "yes, I'm not hungry for it and I don't need it right now." I had been following a sensible diet and excersize program (although not one of the "program diets" at that point) and although I hadn't lost any weight, I was feeling proud of myself for sticking with doing things that were healthy for me. He then brought his dish into the living room and waved it under my nose and taunted: "are you SURE you don't want some? Look how good it is....see how yummy it looks..." He then took a huge spoonful and pushed it up against my lips. I remember crying and asking him thru my tears "WHY are you doing this to me?" After that, I never really had much heart in working at losing weight. He, however, never stopped telling me that basically, if I would just lose weight, all our problems would be magically solved.

Well, several years after the ice cream incident, I found a doctor who had heard the insulin link with PCOS. After taking Glucophage, I DID lose about 50 pounds over the course of a year, without really having to try very hard. My marriage, by that time, was quickly crumbling, so it's possible that emotional stresses were also a factor in the weight loss. Amazingly, once I lost the weight, he lost his favorite weapon to use against me.....it's pretty hard to punish your wife for not being "perfect" according to "your" standards when you have people coming up all the time telling you how great she's looking. Things in my marriage only got worse....there were many things wrong that had only gotten worse over the 16 years of the marriage....and eventually, I had no choice but to get out.

I sincerely hope your marriage won't come to this painful state. PLEASE get counselling for yourself, even if your husband won't come.....even if he tells you he forbids it, as mine did with me.....you need to see the value of yourself. I pray your husband will realize that his attitude is doing more harm than good. Unfortunately, so many people judge others harshly because they've never had to deal with anything similar and therefore, they just can't understand....out of ignorance, they become nasty to those who are different. (I"ve seen this with infertility too...*sigh*)

If losing weight were only a matter of WANTING TO to be successful, there would NOT be any people overweight!!! It's as ignorant as expecting a person with cancer to be cured just because they don't want to be sick any more.....as expecting a person who is blind to be able to see because they want to....you get the idea.

If sharing my email with your husband might help him realize that it's not a matter of WILLPOWER, that PCOS and weight problems ARE LEGITIMATE BIOLOGICAL MEDICAL CONDITIONS, then do so. If not....please be sure to surround yourself with encouragers wherever you may find them. *HUG* You don't need anyone else telling you you're a failure because you can't do things like they THINK you should be able to. I hope you'll consider counselling....and I hope your husband will go with you. I never want to see others go thru the pain of divorce and the pain of a spouse who is unsupportive to the point they HURT the one they claim to love.

Best wishes. Let us know if you decide to go for the surgery and how it works.

HUgs,

Shelley

I would love to get more info on this. My husband thinks I am crazy for even considering it. I am 5'7" & weigh about 250, he doesn't think I am heavy enough, but I am not so sure. I exercise 5-6 times a week for about 30-40 minutes, I have tried every diet there is, I recently started to low carb & I do seem to feel a little better I am not losing any weight. I have a cousin who has pcos, she is 5'2" & weigh about 350, her doctor has approached her about having the surgery but mine never has. I would be kinda of embarrassd to talk to any body about because my husband keeps telling me that I don't see any results because I don't try hard enough & he is convinced I don't really WANT to lose any weight because if I really did, I would. So I don't know what to do about it. I am getting desperate I don't want to be this heavy for this rest of my life!!! Nicole

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