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Conceived twice...Why can't I get pregnant again? Will I ever? (long)From: Meli (anonymous@obgyn.net)Wed, 5 Dec 2001 23:18:31 -0600 (CST)
My husband and I (of 6.5 years) were married at age 20. We are each other's "one and only's" and waited until marriage to have intercourse (some people 'judge' us wrongly on getting married young...we are not 'party animals' though, we are Christians, and were madly in love and ready for it...). Anyway, I was very fearful of infertility as my mother had years of primary infertility ttc me (she then conceived my brother easily a couple years later and then had her tubes tied--ironic, huh?) and my cycles had always been very irregular. Well, it turned out that my husband and I were greatly blessed and very fertile (and thrilled)! Our first amazing son (a cognitively gifted little boy) joined us in 6/96--13.5 months after we were married. His adorable and hilarious (ham of the fam) little brother (who we almost lost at the beginning due to an oversized, leaking corpus luteum cyst) arrived 27 months later in 9/98. After concentrating on furthering my college education for a year and a half, my husband and I (a SAHM) decided it was "time" to start ttc our third precious child. We could not wait! I completely studied ovulation and my body. We even did 'practice' cycles prior to ttc and I frequented all of the ivillage ttc boards. I was happy that I was having pretty regular 32-33 day cycles. Still, when we began ttc no pregnancy occurred! My cycles became all crazy again and no Drs. would take me seriously. FINALLY, a year after we began ttc, I was given Provera to jump-start AF (had a 72 day cycle) and a prescription for Clomid by another new Ob-gyn. That was eight months ago. I ovulated every month, but last month (and I believe I hyperstimulated due to 10 days of pain mid-cycle). My Dr. just keeps jerking me around and won't 'officially' diagnose me with PCOS (I started asking about it based on my symptoms of adult acne, some weight gain, oily skin, extra hair, etc. seven months ago...). The RE I was referred to was an even bigger joke--their office was all about robbery. It was a hefty $150 fee each time we needed to ask the "GODLY (ha)" endo questions. I am going through an absolute nightmare here! I never ONCE thought that my now three-year old 'could' be my last (so we didn't get to cherish "the baby" of the family in the ways that people do when they "know"...)and I was only 23 when he was born. I cannot find support anywhere, but am easily shunned because I, apparently, don't have the right to want to have the family of my dreams? Since I am not suffering primary infertility, no one seems to care. It hurts and it's lonely. More than anything, we desire a large family. We are not close with our extended families (if you knew our stories, you would understand why...what a joke) and dreamed of starting our own, large family legacy (as finances permitted). This really is a nightmare! I cry bittersweetly all of the time as I watch my boys getting bigger and bigger and wonder if they will ever get to see a new life come into our home?! Our oldest was just over two when brother cam along, so he doesn't remember Mommy being pregnant or anything... :o( Just as any woman ttc with PCOS (primary or secondary infertility), I have the "right" to get past my nightmare, too. If this doesn't pass, I don't know what I'll do? The depression is eating me alive (and yes, the Dr. knows it...BTW, my Ob-gyn is the father of NINE children)...Any support would be great! If we ca find a way to afford it, injectibles will probably start in February... IVF is financially out of the question for us... Thanks for listening...I am tired of loading all of this on my DH! I wish you all the best...truly! ~Meli *ttc#3 (maybe a little girl this time?--I never had a sister--I would be thrilled with a precious boy or girl though) for 20 months now (since 4/00). *On Clomid cy seven currently. See Dr. (with DH) again next week. *Two ultrasounds over the spring/summer proved multiple cysts--still no sure-fire PCOS diagnosis offered by the doc (because I am not insulin resistant and not 'yet' extremely overweight). *I am not obese (was actually severly anorexic as a teen), but feel too heavy and yucky--have gained in the past year and a half. Consuming carbs, I have found, makes me hungry again fast. Have cut them way down... *Had an HSG last May=clear tubes. *Had an IUI w/Clomid and HCG in June--failed! *Husband had varicocele repair (count was good, morph and motility were low so he went ahead with it) Sept. 4, so I took a month off Clomid and happily cycled on my own. *Next (when DH was 'good to go' again) I had my hyperstim. cycle. (Provera induced period/had a 57 day cycle) Figures!! *Now here we go again.... 'Sigh' Another sad Christmas (everyone else in my extended family has had new babies again by now...*tears*)...I cannot face my fakey, happy family this year, so we will be staying home and having Christmas "just the four of us" (we live out-of-state on purpose)... P.S.- No one ever threw me an "expectant" mommy baby shower either. Sounds silly, but it really bothers me now that I cannot get pregnant and hope for one this time...
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