JokeMaster Funnies
From: berg@usa.net
Mon, 30 Jun 1997 18:29:52 +0000
Collective copyright JokeMaster, 1997 All jokes digitally remastered
A COLLECTIVE FROM MEDICAL INTERVIEW RECORDS WRITTEN BY VARIOUS
PARAMEDICS, EMERGENCY ROOM RECEPTIONISTS, AND (WE ARE AFRAID)
A DOCTOR OR TWO AT MAJOR HOSPITALS.
The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the
pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
The skin was moist and dry.
Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life
until 1989 when she got a divorce.
Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his
airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
therapy.
The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle,
who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to
Los Angeles.
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
She is numb from her toes down.
Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right
foot.
While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent
home.
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job
as a stockbroker instead.
Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his
family in no distress.
Patient was alert and unresponsive.
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
Thanks James Nomura <jtnomura@sirius.com>
via Dick Landman <dick@trail.com>
---
THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY
Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie.
Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
Rats, there go the lights again...
Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got
two of 'em.
Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my
concentration off!
What's this doing here?
That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.
Well, folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
Sterile, shcmeril. The floor's clean, right?
Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak
of nature.
Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
She's gonna blow! Everyone take cover!!!
Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
Thanks Randy Walker via Cheryl Rogers' HAND! Have A Nice Day! list
Subscribe: To: <majordomo@bapp.com> Body: subscribe HAND
---
There were a few Cheryl missed:
THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY
Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
I hate it when they're missing stuff in here...
What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change.....?!
And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of
the ape...
This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
What do you mean, "You want a divorce!"
"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness!"
Thanks to Janell's Giggle's Humor List To subscribe:
<http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/9262/index.html>
---
There were a few (of mine) Cheryl & Janell missed:
THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY
Ooooops!
Let me ask your opinion, nurse...
Has anyone ever seen one of THESE??
What do you mean it's upside down?!
Oh Yuck! ...I think I'm gonna be sick...
This is what happens when cousins marry.
You think we can sew it back on?
Put on Dr. Kevorkian's new CD.
Is that SUPPOSED to be yellow?
I learned that when I studied to be a Vet.
Not bad for someone who failed Med school.
What does the AMA know, I still think I can do it.
Whow; maybe I shouldn't have gotten so drunk last night.
Does Tab A go into Slot C or Slot F?
They never let us practice on REAL people in Med school.
That PROVES aliens have taken over our bodies.
He looks like my ex-wife's attorney... The one who got her the
house, the car, the money... he even got her!...
Don't worry, he'll never know; he's out.
OK, make a wish and pull.
So THAT'S what a girl looks like!
Back in a minute. Gotta put money in the meter.
What he doesn't know, won't hurt us.
Uh, ya want fries with that?
Tilt that TV a bit. I can't see the game.
Poor guy... Maybe we should give him a sex change.
The voices in my head keep telling me not to do this...
I think my Alzheimers is getting... uh...
Oh yeah, if you think you're so good, you do it!
Did anyone tell this patient they have BOTH sex organs?
C L E A R ! ! ! . . .
-JokeMaster
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