Fri: VIRUS WARNING and stranger things
From: John Robertson M.D. (John.robertson@obgyn.net)
Fri May 28 07:49:24 1999
Tim Smith wrote:
> ***-- VIRUS WARNING from MeMail.com --***
>
> Folks, I don't normally send out virus warnings, but this one is
> extremely serious. Please read very carefully and take care!
>
> If you receive an email entitled "Crazy Times" delete it immediately.
> Do not open it! Apparently this one is pretty nasty.
>
> It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also
> delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It
> demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your
> ATM access code, messes up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace
> field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will
> re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream
> melts and your milk curdles. It will program your phone autodial to call
> only your mother-in-law's number. This virus will mix antifreeze into
> your fish tank. It will drink all your beer. It will leave dirty socks
> on the coffee table when you are expecting company. Its radioactive
> emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you
> have some) to migrate behind your ears. It will replace your shampoo
> with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current
> boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to
> your Visa card. It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things
> in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye. It will give you
> Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea. It will rewrite your backup files, changing
> all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable
> misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.
>
> If the "Crazy Times" message is opened in a Windows 95 environment, it
> will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in
> dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the tags
> from your mattresses and pillows, but it will also refill your skimmed
> milk with whole milk. It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam.
> It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to
> smell like dill pickles.(Remember Brut 33 ?)
>
> It is insidious and subtle.
>
> It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.
>
> It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
>
> These are just a few signs of infection.
>
> PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!
>
> Thanks to Bill Gates and a small child with kidney failure for sending
> that in. If you pass this to at least 5 friends within the next three
> minutes Bill will give the kid a free copy of Windows 98.
>
> ----------
>
> Blonde on a Diet
>
> A blonde woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet.
> "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat
> this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at
> least 5 pounds."
>
> When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20
> pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my
> instructions?"
>
> The woman nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop
> dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?"
>
> "No, from skipping."
>
> ----------
>
> At The Construction Site
>
> A couple of blond men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of
> the blond men walked in the office and said, "We need some
> four-by-twos."
>
> The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll
> go check," and went back to the truck.
>
> He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."
> "Alright. How long do you need them?" The customer paused for a minute
> and said, "Uh... I'd better go check."
>
> After awhile, the blond returned to the office and said, "A long time.
> We're gonna build a house.
--
J.G.M.Robertson MD, 109-9181 Main St. Chilliwack, B.C. V2P 4M9, Canada
(604) 793-9988 e-mail john.robertson@obgyn.net
Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life,
by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. James 3 vs 13, NIV
