Re: Seriously Considering??

From: Anna Meenan, MD (annam@uic.edu)
Sat Aug 8 12:32:00 1998


>Tia, I have to agree with Bob also. I was once an ardent feminist who felt that women have a right to do anything they want to with their bodies, but I have since gone through med school and residency, had three kids, been a defacto single mom for 18 months while my husband was on an out-of-town job, and spent the last 14 years in my practice watching the ever-worsening results of parents neglecting their kids to pursue their own goals, be they lofty or frivolous ones. I will do my best not to sound like I am jumping all over your case, Tia, and I do admire you for wanting to make something more of your life than to be a welfare mom, the bottom line here is that medical school and residency is (are?) a more-than-full-time commitment and no matter what you do to try to prevent it, your baby will suffer if you absent yourself from her life for the next 12 years or so. You might be able to pull it off if you have supportive parents who are willing to be mom and dad to the baby for the next 12-14 years, but then you have to accept the role of a somewhat more peripheral figure in your baby's life, and your parents will be the baby's parents. All the studies clearly show that kids who grow up without a father in their lives do worse in multiple measures of life success than children who have two parents. Day after day I see what lack of a stable home and two committed parents does to kids, and I've gotten to where I can pretty much predict which kids will be in my office with a parent wanting them put on Ritalin in a few years, just by observing the situation and the interactions.
Anyway, I've rattled on and on. From personal experience, I can tell you that a six-month-old doesn't consume anywhere near the amount of emotional energy as an 9, 11, or 14-year-old in school does, and I can't even begin to imagine trying to do an OB residency and make sure my kids at those ages got enough attention and their needs and those of all their teachers met. (you have no idea how much participation is required from parents these days to get your kid a good education)

--
Anna L. Meenan, MD FAAFP




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